of shoes and men (part two)

I raise my hand to salute all the women who can pull off walking in three-inch heels.

This morning I went to Dusit Hotel to attend the Population Congress hosted by UNDP and the Population Comission. It was the first time that I wore my three-inch navy pumps which I bought on sale from Wade last month. I am not too keen on high heels but Lloyd and Vane egged me on to buy 'em. Anyway, at first I was strutting on feeling very confident but I had a sick feeling the confidence won't last long. I was right.

First, I had to walk from my tita's condo to the kanto to ride a jeep. I had to walk about two blocks and it was even raining. Then I had to board a shuttle and because it was 8.30 already, the line and the wait were long. Then I made the stupid mistake of not asking the driver whether or not he'd reach EDSA from Ayala. The shuttle turned left at Mandarin and so I had to walk from there to Dusit. By the start of the Conference I already had blisters and my calves hurt.

The conference wound on and I tried to listen, keeping in mind that I might be able to use something for an article eventually. I finished covering the morning session, had lunch and then decided to head back to the office. As usual, my kakuripotan surpassed the discomfort I was feeling so I took the mrt to cubao then I took a taxi from there to ICSI.

Inside the cab, I got on to thinking, for the second time, that shoes aren't any different from men. Aside from the impossibility of finding the perfect fit (see previous post, just scroll way down), shoes are also like men in that most goodlooking ones don't treat you right. You'd just wanna show them off to emphasize certain assets or to mask particular flaws. But then, when nobody's looking, you kick them off under the table to rest your gnarled feet. And then you go back to pretending you're happy with them. You raise your chin up and try not to look worried or pissed.

The most comfortable ones, those that you choose wearing over and over again are the ordinary looking kind. They've been with you at work, when you go shopping at divi, when you go for out of town trips. They may look grubby and overused but they're very dependable and can be trusted. To you they're very special.

Now there are also attractive shoes that are really comfy. When you chance upon something like these, grab them because you might not find anything like it ever again! Buy them, that is if you have what it takes to afford them. Usually, these kinds are very rare and pricey. Often, you're required to save up and shape up for it. Dapat bagay ka rin para dito.

Hmmm...Funny how I appreciate shoes and like window shopping for them but never really buy them. I know all their kinds and how they are called. I know where the really bad ones are. I know where to get the cheap but comfortable ones. I know which stores are high in style but low in quality. I know where to get shoes with the best quality and the best styles. And yet, and yet I don't really buy them. I just look and scrutinize, not really being able to wear them. Wait...I just had an epiphany (think: ray of light spilling upon my shoulders).

I don't know squat about shoes! I can't categorize some things as this or that without ever wearing them, without experiencing them, can I? Hmmm.. Troubling thought. Especially if shoes were really like men. Come to think about it, I don't know squat about men either. I can't categorize them as this ir that wothout ever being with them, can I?

Maybe it's time to quit this window shopping business and really get into it.

shucks, december na next week

i swear, if i hear bon jovi's "bed of roses" one more time i'm gonna puke. hearing it four times this weekend was enough to make me nauseous. majen and i had a racketeering expedition to maradondon, cavite yesterday and almost all the buses and jeeps and fx we boarded played the song. see, we had to conduct an fgd with the elderly. it' a phase for a study which will aim to propose a non-contributory pension scheme for senior citizens. we have already completed two and we still have to do two more. and then we have to transcribe the tapes and do the reports. melai volunteered to help so i guess this project is gonna progress relatively smoothly.

icsi just had a staff meeting and becasue of the success of chayie's m.o. birthday bash, i've been assigned head organizer for the event! harharhar. i don't mind the extra work as long as everybody will have a jolly good old pee-in-you-pants kind of fun. today, there were five of us wearing pink and so somebody decided that the other pink peeople will comprise the committe. i just hope i won't run out of creative ideas. i'm gonna set a planning meeting on wednesday. i'm actually quite excited. :P hihihi.

my calendar is filling up more than ever. i think i have to slowly let it sink in that things aren't gonna be the same. i should focus now on what i really want to do. there's been so much time wasted dilly-dallying. i realize that once i decide on pursuing my masters this summer, there won't be any turning back. i will be laying the foundations of my chosen career. of course now, i'm learning a lot and i'm being trained but that point onwards will be the official beginning of my self-directing my life. it's quite scary honestly but i have to take life in full stride because if i don't... i don't know... i guess, i just don't want my life to be composed of airy useless pockets of time and loose ends.

toxic

I'm beat. Kakatapos lang ng team-building na inorganize ko for our NFP Payatas team. Hay...kakapagod pero masaya tsaka nakakatuwa kasi at least nabubuo na talaga ang team. Nasa groping to growing stage palang kasi ang programa at madaming hadlang at balakid na kailangan mapagtulung-tulungang buwagin para sa mas mabilis na paglago at paglawak ng nito. Mas madami pa ngayong gagawin pero at least alam namin kung saan nanggagaling ang bawat isa sa grupo at alam na namin kung saan namin gustong pumunta bilang isang grupo. Magkakaroon ng isang malaking tipun-tipon ang lahat ng NFP users sa Payatas sa Disyembre. At ako ang halos gagalaw para dito. Magkakaroon din ng planning seminar sa Enero. At ako uli ang halos gagalaw para dito. Pamatay ang magiging logistics pero oks lang. Excited pa nga ako. Sana lang hindi ako mawindang...

Dumaan ang linggong ito nang napakabilis. Naayos ko na ang monitoring forms, na-update ko na ang database. Natapos na din ang article namin nina Chayie at Fina para sa Intersect. Natapos na din yung Reflection guide namin nina Manay at Balbie. Kung anu-ano pa ang mga ginawa kong logistical at admin work. Super toxic this week pero mas gusto ko ang ganito kasi nararamdaman ko na nababanat ako at tumutubo kahit papaano.

Naramdaman ko nanaman ang presensya ng Diyos sa lahat ng mga ito. Kakaiba kasi para sa akin mas nararamdaman ko Siya kapag madami akong ginagawa kaysa kapag nakatanga lang ako. Matapos ang tahasan at kusang pagwawaksi sa Kanya para makita ko pa ang ibang perspektibo at pananaw, ang pananaw ng may naghihikaos na pananampalataya, (ewan ko, ambisyosa kasi ang writer side ko. gusto ko maranasan ko lahat), nandiyan pa rin Siya. Makulit at ipinapaalam ang presensiya Niya. Hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin ko na. Tingin ko hindi pa ako nababad sa mundo ng may naghihikaos na pananampalataya. Nakapagpaalam na naman ako sa kanya na iiwanan ko muna Siya nang sandali. Eto Siya at nangungulit. Siguro kailangan ko lang aminin na mas ako ako kapag kinikilala ko ang pagprepresensiya Niya.

bokia

I wasn't able to concentrate on Let's Fun last night. The ex texted and ate up most of my listening time. Thank God it was a sober conversation. We talked about work, kjwan, his girlfriend, and how I apparently needed and deserved someone with high IQ because it's very difficult to know what I want and need. That was meant to be a compliment I know beacause a few more compliments came after that within the same message but somehow I felt lonely. Gee thanks but I think I'm cursed, I say.

Connection. That is always the problem. I've been told I'm too serious. Twice. First by the ex and second by the person I least want to be too uptight with. Call it the Jerry Maguire syndrome, the This-is-how-I'm-made bull. Call it the Virgoan trait, the good-at-friendships-bad-at-relationships excuse. I really have difficulty initiating and sustaining connection and that's the cold truth.

I say, the problem with me is that I don't flirt. The ex says I don't have to put up too much effort. Someone will come and fit into my "system" and I into his and when that time comes flirting and putting the best foot forward would only seem superfluous and absurd.

Well that's just it. I've been living with the same belief for years that's why nothing ever happens. The worse part about this is not that I don't have someone. The worse part is that I get into thinking that something must be fundamentally wrong with me.

Dammit, I traded the fun in Let's Fun for all these crap. It's like I pooped at my own party.

bus-lag

My eyes hurt. I just arrived from Aparri this morning after a twelve-hour bus ride and I haven't slept a wink because that damned emc bus I rode had malfunctioning aircon. The shutters were gone, torn down by God knows who. In effect, no one could adjust the thermostat. I had to slip pieces of paper inside the holes and i had to crumple tissue paper and stick them in to block the cold cold draft. The seats were so uncomfortable I was shifting position all the time. Buses to our place usually come with big lazy-boy type chairs. But sometimes when you're irresponsible enough to put off reserving a ticket until the last minute, you get stuck with the old buses with old shocks and you piss yourself off in the process. And now I'm having this horrible headache and all I wanna do is just hit the bed.

But it's wasn't that bad... They aired The Longest Yard and for two hours I actually enjoyed the ride. Hehe. Nothing better than the testosterone-laden, violent, racist, sexist, sarcastic brand of comedy. Too bad I had to stifle my laughs into tiny snickers. I bet everybody was doing the same thing. Oh and they played good music too. A lot of alternative OPM and acoustic pieces.

Spent most of today making phone calls and arranging things for the team-building seminar and the FGD's I'm preparing. Checked up the trainers, met with colleagues for our intersect article (deadline is Friday!!!), checked and answered mail. Et cetera. Oh and there's a new guy from Germany in the office. He'll be here for about a month to do some research on the urban poor for his dimploma course in Germany. He looks really European with the longish brownish blond hair. He is awkwardly tall, way taller than Tanya. Of course we talked to him but he spent most of the day cooped up at Ronna's desk reading. Oh well, he has plenty of time to get used to ICSI kakulitan.

I think I'm gonna change my work schedule again from 8 to 8:30. I graduated first honor this month for tardiness. I was late a whopping 3 hrs. and 59 min! Shyieet! Promise, mababawasan na yon ng todo. Hihi.

***
There's not much to tell about the long vacation. Finally read Murakami's Dance Dance Dance. Spent much of my time in the drugstore and in bed. Surprisingly there were a few of my friends who went home or they were hiding just like me. I wasn't in the mood at all those days. Stayed home and didn't text anyone. Didn't even greet acquaintances when I saw them along the street. Weird feeling. Hope I'll be in a more jolly mood come Christmas break.

Tick tock tick tock says the clock...

killing time

It's not true what they say that chocolate makes people happy. It's weird but chocolates really make me sad. Well not exactly sad...maybe wistful is the word. Everytime I eat chocolates you're sure to hear a deep sigh from me and I'll be in a pensive mood for the rest of the day.

Ate eight milk-chocolate coated hazelnut pralines today which father Bobby brought from Bangkok (Duty Free pala) and I'm feeling a tad too blah...Anyhoo, I'm currently in a slump becasue I've submitted all the six interviews to Fr. Jack and I'm waiting for the last transcript he is currenly proofreading to be returned to me. Hmm. humm.

Last Saturday while on a date with my laundry, I listened to the noontime show at NU and well well well.. Pedicab was in the studio and listeners could ask them anything so I immediately texted and asked why the hell does "Dito Tayo sa Dilim" sound like "No Limit" of 2Unlimited. You know, that early nineties song which goes "No no no no no no no no no no no no There's no limit!" Yeah, I thought you'd get that. So anyway, I asked them if they did this on purpose but said the song was astig (coz it really is. i never knew i'd like DUNK - Dance Punk - but yeah). Goddangit, the radio feedback became static so i changed the station into another one and continued scrubbing mud off my grubby trainers. By the time I remembered to get back to NU, I could only hear the last part of their answer to my question: "Pero sa tingin ko naman, kung may mga katunog yung mga kanta, hindi naman sinasadya ng mga gumagawa ng kanta iyon. Hindi naman na parang hoy pare, ayos tong kantang to ah, kopyahin natin, yayaman tayo dito." And they continued to joke about how new bands are branded copycats today in the Philippine rock scene. But I wanted to know specifically if they did copy 2Unlimited for "Dito Tayo sa Dilim"! Sablay. Dang-it.

Oh yeah, my dad, Kevin and I attended this franchising seminar by RK franchising in the afternoon. The seminar itself went okay. We learned the basics of franchising-- what franchisees and franchisors should know-- and we were also presented with possible franchises. I think it would be a long time until we will venture into another business. I felt proud though to be able to arrange this for my dad who has been complaining of being stuck in the humdrum Aparri to learn anything new, and for Kevin who needs these kinds of exposure as he is a management major. As for me, well I've learned not to deny the negosyante blood cursing through my veins. I mean, I don't think I can be a business person (mahina sa salestalk at walang kapalmuks para magbenta) but I am always interested with how certain business work. So it was a good learning experience.

After that we went to Tiendesitas, the new night market in Pasig. It's just a little past Eastwood when you're coming from Katipunan. I'll have to say it was the highlight of my day. It was shopping heaven. There were a lot, and I mean a LOT, of stalls that sell clothes, abubot, even plants, pets and furniture. Still, I was in no shopping mood so I only bought a string bracelet for 50 bucks. The best part is the ihaw-ihaw foodcourt where Kevin, Tita Rosa, Dad and I pigged out while drinking beer. Saya! There was even a stage and Jimmy Bondoc and an R&B band called 9th Avenue played. I dodn't care much for the band. I was busy eating pork sisig, bangus sisig, sinigang sa miso, pork barbeque and chicken isaw. Wowowee sa cholesterol! Nyaa.

Okay now, I think I've killed enough time. I'll email Tris and I'll get back to work. He alraedy agreed to download stuff for me. Yipee! Hehe, good luck sa kanya.

too quiet

In fairness, what I felt last night when I discovered that Let's Fun wasn't airing beat the feeling when I get extra dressed up for Kjwan and he doesn't show up. Distraught is the word, I think, to describe how I felt. This came with the realization how really pathetic it is to be worked up about a radio show enough to be flabbergasted when you don't hear it. Which made me feeling much worse. But I can't help it. Let's Fun is really, well, fun! It is! I've been looking forward to it since Monday!

So I dejectedly fixed myself a cup of hot choco just to assuage the pangs of being stood up. I texted NU's textjock about my deflated spirits and surprise, Andy Banandy actually replied. It was not a "thank you for texting NU" sms which I usually get, but a "hehe yeah i know, i look forward to the show too. but i'll try to keep you guys warm still. :)" Three rounds of messaging after, talking about the hot choco and whether it had mallows and how a sprinkle of pinipig will do the trick (just like christmas!), I stopped myself with a reminder that a message cost PhP 2.50 and part of why Andy was texting back is also to increase revenues for NU. No matter, i felt a bit better after. Goodness! The wonders of interactive technology.

Prolly the reason why I was extra looking forward to Let's Fun was that it has become too quiet in my world. Good friends are away and I needed wacky Quark, Diego and Andy with the special participation of Yang Tze, Pontri and Mr. Francis "Chiz" Moso to fill the stillness. I had no previous difficulty with stillness until now... which makes me worry a bit...(a 20-second pause)... Okay, enough of that. I'll save that worrying for later. It's just gonna be a week. I can do this. Okay, gotta get back to (loads of) work!

P.S. I liked Mojofly's tumatakbo video because it was cute and it reminded me of Shrek. And I thought that Sheila and the Insects video was also a good strategy because, uh, people would really really be turned off if they starred in their video themselves. But Rivermaya coming up with an animated one?! What's up with that? Sige, sige. Magpaka-gorillaz na kayong lahat, sige. Hay stress.

*Sing with me: Pinoy, iba ang pinoy, ipakita sa mundo kung ano ang kaya mo...Mang-gagaya ang pinoooy...

taray!

Today's Horoscope:
After months of wondering about how nothing guaranteed ever happens when it comes to your relationships, you'll have reached the point of believing that when it's supposed to happen, it will. This will mean trying to ignore your 'friends,' some of whom aren't, others of whom will feel the need to constantly remind you that you've been doing this to yourself. Your mission now is to remember that the only person you owe explanations to right now is you. That's it, and that's all.

-- which is just apt. My eyes are puffy and chinked up again from this mornings "ruminating". I slept as soon as I arrived home last night only to wake up at 2 am to devour two packs of lucky me instant pancit canton and consume a fag. Eeek! And I did this while finally making a table of the why's vis-a-vis the why the hell not's. The why the hell not's had it. Sad, but it's only rational. Explanation paid.

Hmm... Hummm.

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

* Listening to Deathcab for Cutie's rendition of "Earth Angel." Tama ba naman iyon ang pampagising ko? At alas diyes palang tama bang inaantok na ako? Haybuhay...

* Hectic weekend. I thought it was gonna be a restful one since I had no NFP training session to supervise at Payatas. I slept 'til three pm last Satuday but I had to do my laundry. Just as i was rinsing the last batch (8 pairs of maong!!!) I remembered Kuya Jake's photo exhibit launch. My other cousin Kent texted me that they'd be going and that Tito Willy and Jerome was here. I texted Bettina and my brother and we trooped to J. Escriva to see the photos and our relatives. Asteeg talaga itong si Kuya Jake. I mean he does excellent fashion and travel photography but he also does great photojournalistic stuff. San ka pa? The event was also a gathering of RockEd volunteers. Sayang hindi na namin naabutan yung talk nila. May naiwan pang white band though so I got one. If you're in the area, daan kayo:

SANA ANO: a photographic essay by Jake Verzosa
DPI Photography Center
2/F Astoria Plaza, 15 J. Escriva Dr,
Ortigas Center, Pasig City

After that the gang went to El Pueblo para sa isang gulping spree. Puro bata kasama ko (i.e. college kids. Kent and his girlfriend Diana headed home because they had to go to the office Sunday). Bettina had wouldn't be allowed entrance to her dorm before 6 am. I felt so old but I couldn't leave them also so there I was, playing the role I'm most good at: nanay nanaman ako! Haha. Good thing I saw Madie and her San Beda friends. As usual, Madie was the life of the party. Needless to say, medyo may amats nanaman siya. Buti nalang mukha namang okay yung mga kaibigan niya. They went home around three. We went home a little after when Kuya Jake fetched us. We crashed at his place 'til 7am.

Sunday, I had to hang my laundry immeidately. 8 am tulog. 10 am, Tita Rosa calls and says she's in Katipunan (surprise!)and why the hell was I still in bed? Lunch with Tita and Jen, got my nails done at the salon. Whole day gallivanting sa Cubao. Dinner at Oyster Boy (Tsalap oysters, I want more!) 12 mn: dead meat.

thinking break (no yosi, blog nalang)

To write about something completely unthought of is uncharacteristic of me. I just have to do something today which involves something other than listening to interview recordings and transcribing them verbatim. I still have two 90-minute tapes to go but I think I need a break. I often need breaks during the day. That's why I stay late in the office to make up for the lost time slacking off. Before working at ICSI, I kinda thought I had a very long attention span. Turns out, I'm the type to do different things at once or I get really unproductive. I'd like to be a quick and focused worker but I simply am not. Something to aim at, I guess.

I learned something today. Well it's not really a new discovery. It's more of a confirmation of my own theories. That little detail merely put shady events from other people's lives in a neat timeline for my brain to analyze. Fuck. I don't know if I should be happy or not. It's already a sickness I guess for me to be over-analytical about myself and the people I'm interested in. Whenever I feel, I have to know why I'm feeling things. I have to know where they are coming from and if it's right to feel that way. The objectification of feeling sometimes kills it. Other times objectification only augments it. But the process usually takes long so much so that when I decide to act, the moment has already passed. It's like always getting to the platform just as you watch the train pull off. It's depressing if you thought about it, really.

I hate it that it's so obvious when I stay up late the previous night. My eyes get puffy and chinked up at the same time in the morning. I hate it more that it's so unobvious when I like someone. The problem with me is that I don't flirt. Theoretically, I know the things that ought to be done. I just can't get myself to do them. The tendency is to hide the feeling. I've been doing this for the longest time. I guess I do it out of habit. And now that I want to break free, things still don't just work out fine. With sarcastic jibes and crass statements issuing from my mouth, I expect to stay in the pare-hood level for a lot longer. To paraphrase one line from Mike Gayle's "My Legendary Girlfriend," I'd like to think that my obnoxiousness is part of my seduction technique but it isn't. It's sheer blatant crapness.

Why oh why wasn't I born male? Then I won't have to be sickeningly sweet?

potential energy

Whatever it is he is looking for, whatever it is that he needs, she knows he does not find in her. She may intrigue him. He may find that he can relate to her person, but she does not move him enough for him to open up. He observes her just like she observes him, and together they move tentatively around each other, looking for signs, sometimes fishing for them. But the vestige of a promising future has faded. What's left is a clarity that they can never be together.

Their needs are too much alike. He needs someone more uninhibited, more open, less calculated and calculating, more spontaneous, more innocent, purer. She needs someone who's willing to step up from the sidelines into the limelight. They both need risk-takers, and risk-takers they are not. And it's sad that they met at this stage of their lives when individually, both are still unsure of what thay want, who they are and who they can be.

ode to the calachuchi

I literally let out a shriek last Friday when, walking with SJSA's Ms. Nette to Barangka, I took the route from Gonzaga leading to SEC and saw that the Calachuchi tree which had always stood smack in the middle of the path was missing. Somebody had uprooted it and all that's left were newly installed slabs of stone, an evidence of the meticulous and totally planned manner of murder. Not that they really killed the tree. I'm sure they replanted it somewhere... I hope, I hope. But I guess whoever did this killed a lot of things. They killed all the Calachuchi's potential of ever giving joy and calmness to a passing student's weary day. They killed the sighs of some student at the sight of its falling flowers, white and delicately tinged with an amorous pink. For the writer who sits on the pubroom's corridor ledge, they killed the backdrop of his subject whom he observed day in and day out. They killed the glorious light the tree emits during the summer noon. They killed the somber view the tree projects after the rain when almost all the flowers have fallen and the bark turns dark brown, a strark contrast with the vivid green of the elongated leaves.

That Calachuchi tree was so much part of my day to day college existence. Ms. Nette joked that I should go home and have my time to grieve. But I didn't give in to such sentimental bullsugar until now. I'm hoping this passes as a proper goodbye to my beloved Calachuchi. You've never been a nuisance to me, never. Wherever you are, I hope you still serve the purpose for which you were created. Then I'd know that somewhere somehow, you still make someone hopeful and therefore happy.

tigang

Being deprived of intellectual stimulation makes me cranky. Yes I work. I read books every now and then. I attend conferences and seminars. I even take note of quotable song lines just to have something to think about. But I miss having to converse with somebody about a topic and discover nuances of perspectives and thought processes. I miss seriously thinking about something and saying my piece about it. I miss subjecting my ideas to rigorous questioning until either I weaken my stance to let new ideas in or strengthen it it because new arguments add only to the truth that I see.

People around me now don't really discuss things. Times like these, I miss my friends who readily engage dissecting bizarre musings bordering on the blasphemous and even insane to tried and tested philosophies that are either considered cliche or cheesy. Lani, Madie and I would stay up until four in the morning discussing bureaucratic authoritarianism, illiberal democracy and what not and applying these in the Philippine context. We'd end up sighing simultaneously and trying to get some shut-eye in time for our 7:30 long exams (which by the way are in no way related to the said topics, we tend to talk about things at the wrongest times). I miss my literature classes where I get to be assimalated with the artsy breed who seem to ooze out witty passion. I miss facilitating prayer meetings in AtSCA where I get overwhelmed by the richness of each one's sharing. I used to get filled up spiritually it's hard not to exude giddiness and infectious goodwill.

When talking about trivial matters and gossiping about other people, my college friends (a.k.a tomadores)tried to assure everybody in the group that it was okay, we were merely taking a break from greatness. Well now, I think I'd taken a break from greatness for too long. I am experiencing a lightness of being that is becoming more and more unbearable. I've got to do something about this lest I'd be flying over the cuckoo's nest. I can already feel my feet rising a few inches above ground it's scary.

Dinner with ICSI people is always a riot. Toggling bewteen light banter and sarcastic jibes gives us all a kick until we're all laughing like hyenas. Topics range from weight gain/loss, PMS, female body parts, make-up and boys, to the detriment (but perhabs advantage) of Balbie, our only male officemate whom we call baldiva, balbina, bhalbie, balbhie, balbieeh or bossing.

When people find themselves "clicking" with colleagues, it's easy to get very comfortable talking about anything. And even though you're together in the office 8 hours a day, 5 days (sometimes 6) a week, you still have to go to some kind of gimmick just because they're good company and it's fun. Friendships in the workplace is a tricky thing though. Amid the wackiness and sometimes the juicy-ness of the conversations, there are still some things left unsaid. People skirt over personal issues unless information is voluntarily supplied. The curiosity is palpable. It is like the microscopic dust you see when a beam of light strikes through space. It's there but only when you look closely enough.

Forkfulls of mudpie, oreo and cheesecake and tiramisu later, my apettite was fully satiated but my curiosity wasn't. I dismissed lingering questions though and concentrated walking to my house. It was a long slow walk and in the middle of it all, since chocolate makes me melancholic, I got myself wondering when will the time come when somebody walks me home. Just as I shove the thought aside, I see someone waving at me and I smile. It's always nice to see Lemony Snickets. There's this easiness about him and I never feel shy or threatened talking with him although we were only in the same class for a sem.

Dinners with ICSI people are always a riot. Toggling between light banter and sarcastic jibes gives us all a kick until we're all laughing like hyenas. Topics range from weight gain/loss, PMS, female body parts, make-up and boys, to the detriment (but perhabs advantage) of Balbie, our only male officemate whom we call baldiva, balbina, bhalbie, balbhie, balbieeh or bossing.

When you find yourself "clicking" with colleagues, it's easy to get very comfortable talking about anything. And even though you're together in the office 8 hours a day, 5 days (sometimes 6) a week, you still have to go to some kind of gimmick just because they're good company and it's fun. Friendships in the workplace is a tricky thing though. Amid the wackiness and sometimes the juicy-ness of the conversations, there are still some things left unsaid. People skirt over personal issues unless information is voluntarily supplied. The curiosity is palpable. It is like the microscopic dust you see when a beam of light strikes through space. It's there but only when you look closely enough.

Forksfull of mudpie, oreo and cheesecake and tiramisu later, my apettite was fully satiated but my curiosity wasn't. I dismissed lingering questions though and concentrated walking to my house. It was a long slow walk and in the middle of it all, since chocolate makes me melancholic, I got myself into wondering when will the time come when somebody walks me home. Just as I shove the thought aside, I see someone waving at me and I smile. It's always nice to see Lemony Snickets. There's this easiness about him and I never feel shy or threatened talking with him although we were only in the same class for a sem. I remember one time when I was sitting on a table alone in KFC and he asked if he could join me. See, I was with a bunch of AtSCA friends who were in the counter placing their orders. No matter, I said sure because there was still an extra seat. I imagined him to be uncomfy learning that I was not, afterall, alone. But he was a hit among my friends. He pulled the potentially embarassing situation off and that's what made me admire him.

Anyway, we chatted down the steps and it's amazing how different he looks in his shorts and trainers with his hair tied up. But what's even more amazing is that our conversations take off from where we leave them no matter how far the interval of our seeing each other may be. And then he did the most heart-warming thing and walked me to my gate even if it meant walking eight houses past his. I am not in love with Lemony Snickets. I don't think I even fancy him just one bit. I never thought it would be possible for someone to make me quite happy just by some inconsequential smalltalk. But he did. Somehow, my plummeting spirits were lifted. And it felt nice that somebody walked me home even if it were only a friendly gesture.