I haven't gotten sick in a long time. So people shouldn't have been shocked when last Friday and Saturday, I was pissed because I had fever and diarrhea. Good thing there was no NFP session at Payatas to monitor. But man, to go back and forth to the loo around three times during the night can eat away energy fast. I wasn't able to eat because when I did, I just had to puke. I asked Majen who was going to Riverbanks to buy me some Gatorade. Only after then was I able to force some food into my system. I slept the whole day Saturday just so that I could go out in the evening, as promised, with lai and lani. We had to watch Balbie's band Lunchbox in their first gig at Blue Fin Katipunan (near Shell Select). They've been playing at Shade Bar previously. They'll be Saturday regulars at Blue Fin so check them out sometime.

Met Raf and some COA'04 assimilates like myself at Blue Fin and all of us had a swell time just talking on and on. Er... at least Lani, Lai and I did. I noticed, the three of us were the rowdiest, even more than the guys at the table who didn't drink much. It was so much fun talking about childhood games and bloopers, and how we were all disciplined as kids. Being the "small people" that we were, we talked about other people as well. We talked about school femme to femme sex scandals which made even the holiest of holies bite his lower lip. It was fun, one of the funnest nights-out with pseudo-strangers in a while.

Balbie and the band even played "Mr. Brightside" which I was only about to request then. They played it in the finale too, and they even played it better the second time around. If I were only drunk I think i would have screamed out loud and sang along. The song was a fitting way to end the night. Coz...

I just can't look
It's killing me!
And taking control!

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea!
Turning through sick lullaby!
Joking on your alibi!
But it's just the price! I pay!
Destiny is calling me
Open up my ea..ger eyes...
I'm Ms. Brightside!
(emphasis added)

I am, all right.

Got the song stuck to my head (coming out of my cage...) right now. Still. It's actually not a very good song (and I've doing just fine...) if you thought about it (gotta gotta be down becasue I wanted it all). But it has this sing-able melody to it (tt started out as a kiss how could it end up like this). And it's a song you can hurl out your guts with (it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss!!!). Something you can really really headbang with, but only if you were durnk and could relate. Click here. I wanna share the LSS. Hehe. Tsk Tsk. Laro na nga lang tayo:

1. The tagged person has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.

I haven't done this, ever. List down things I'd want in a lover, that is. I think it's time I did. Perfect daw di ba? hmmm... Oh, and for the record, I like men.

1. Has a zest for life: Masarap kumain, Masarap tumawa. Hindi sinusubukang patayin ang sarili.
2. Smart: as in street smart. Tipong nagcocommute at alam kung paano umiikot ang mundo.
3. Caring and Unselfish: Someone who goes out of his way to cater to you.
4. Confident and Powerful: Marunong makipag-usap sa tao. Ayoko ng pakiyeme-kiyeme. Has a way of drawing out the truth in people but not in an outwardly demanding and usurping manner. Is aware of his limitations and insecurities but is okay with them. Makes do with what he has and is able to make person X do what he wants person X to do with person X being okay with it. (Shet. Polsci, kasumpa-sumpa ka)
5. Encouraging; Brings out the best in me and all the people around him.
6. Passionate: May mga katangi-tanging hilig, may pinu-pursue na kaalaman sa kahit na anong hilig. Musika, sana para astig.
7. Pero easy-going: Hindi dapat takot na bastusin ako (and i don't mean sexual pambabastos). Please naman, tama na ang mala-nanay na respeto. Ahehe. Someone who doesn't keep me at arm's length. Someone who has a calming presence. para hindi na ako lagi feeling gusto magyosi.
8. Kung hihirit sa looks: Mapanga, muscular pero lean, long-hair o kalbong may goatee.

Shet, mukha ngang tall order ito. Asa pa ako.

***
Okay, better snap out of this Mr. Brightside LSS. But then again, this is better than hearing Manny P's "Para Sa Iyo" over and over again in your head. Wehe! I have this as my morning alarm by the way. Something for daily inspiration. "Hindi ako susuko... Isisigaw ko sa mundo. Para sa iyo, ang laban na to..." Ulol. Hahaha.

Unlike most people, I like hospitals. There is a certain kind of rush when I see doctors in their immaculate white jackets, whisking past each other. Doctors. clean-looking intellectuals. People with able minds and able hands. I have this inexplainable fixation with doctors. I think that the only thing that prevented me from being one myself is that when I was younger, I didn't want to jump into the bandwagon by asnwering "doctor" to the what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up Little Miss Philippines question. I wanted to be cooler than that. So I said I wanted to be a writer, a journalist, a film director, or a volcanologist like them long-haired bespectacled geeks in X-files. But still, that fascination with life-saving medical practitioners hasn't wavered. I kidded my parents whom I was accompanying to be checked up at USTH that I should hang out at hospitals more often. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to meet a young, ravishing, good doctor someday to marry.

Of course, I was only joking. That was to get the tension off from everybody. My dad has a lump in his left breast. And it might be CA. Of course we're hoping for the best but I'm bracing myself for the worst. That would have to mean I'll have to grow up fast. Operation will be scheduled on February and from then on, mine and my family's life can drastically change. Taking two weeks off to take care of dad as he will be restricted to travel until after fifteen days shows the only tip of the iceberg. So far, though, I'm taking things practically. I'm even writing this down so I'll not be scared of it. It's harder, I think, if I keep these all in. This is the way I am, I guess, always the pragmatist. Although I'd prefer to be softer as the need arises, when people need me to be weak than strong. When people need more comfort than the logistics being well taken care of. When people need kind words than a run-down of what needs to be done, a hug more than fidgeting over things and physically putting things in order.

I am sooooo badly in need of your prayers.

"Being alone: there's a certain dignity to it." -- Janet Livermore (Singles, 1992)

Last night was great. The moon was full and had an ominous look to it. Rising slightly above bald tree branches, it looked like a cat's eye which alluded to evil forebodings. Yet, i found comfort in its yellow sleepy glow. I kept a steady pace, my breath exhaling thoughts even I couldn't comprehend. I stopped only to stretch my legs or when my cellphone radio's music supply didn't fit the upbeat thumping of my trainers against the hot asphalt road. Then I just walked and tried to stride past my insecurities.

To be dripping wet, you feel a sense of being cleansed. It's physical catharsis. And when all energy are spent, thoughts go with them. It's mental purging as well. And when finally cool water courses through your bloodstream, that's where the real work begins. One by one, information gets sorted and tucked into labelled drawers inside your brain. Instant defragmentation. It only takes about an hour.

blah-ness and fridays

I hate fridays. On fridays, endless possibilities lay in front of you and you only have to choose. You have to choose what to do, where to go, whom to be with. I hate having to choose. Especially when i'm not presented with any choices and I'm supposed to draw out the options myself. (No more regular friday prayer sessions. No more badminton nights. Nobody asks you out. No friends to invite you, no money to spend. Get my drift?) I'm boring that way, but what the hell. Why is there a socially constructed rule that people ought to have a good time on fridays, whether it be going out with friends, watching a movie, talking over coffee, barhopping or just enjoying you night at home? Bottom line is, why is there great pressure to enjoy oneself on fridays? Why can't people just have a blah time on fridays? On fridays, you just have to feel good. The blahness you might feel will actually be heightened by the fact that you're feeling blah on a goddam friday! I don't get it. It's unfair. Too much pressure for my solitary self to handle. Bllaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!