Unlike most people, I like hospitals. There is a certain kind of rush when I see doctors in their immaculate white jackets, whisking past each other. Doctors. clean-looking intellectuals. People with able minds and able hands. I have this inexplainable fixation with doctors. I think that the only thing that prevented me from being one myself is that when I was younger, I didn't want to jump into the bandwagon by asnwering "doctor" to the what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up Little Miss Philippines question. I wanted to be cooler than that. So I said I wanted to be a writer, a journalist, a film director, or a volcanologist like them long-haired bespectacled geeks in X-files. But still, that fascination with life-saving medical practitioners hasn't wavered. I kidded my parents whom I was accompanying to be checked up at USTH that I should hang out at hospitals more often. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to meet a young, ravishing, good doctor someday to marry.

Of course, I was only joking. That was to get the tension off from everybody. My dad has a lump in his left breast. And it might be CA. Of course we're hoping for the best but I'm bracing myself for the worst. That would have to mean I'll have to grow up fast. Operation will be scheduled on February and from then on, mine and my family's life can drastically change. Taking two weeks off to take care of dad as he will be restricted to travel until after fifteen days shows the only tip of the iceberg. So far, though, I'm taking things practically. I'm even writing this down so I'll not be scared of it. It's harder, I think, if I keep these all in. This is the way I am, I guess, always the pragmatist. Although I'd prefer to be softer as the need arises, when people need me to be weak than strong. When people need more comfort than the logistics being well taken care of. When people need kind words than a run-down of what needs to be done, a hug more than fidgeting over things and physically putting things in order.

I am sooooo badly in need of your prayers.