mental exercises of the sleepless kind: meditations on photography and portraiture

i have been playing with the camera for about three years now. photography occupies my waking hours, my dream-state and even my subconscious. somehow, there is something so attractive in capturing meaning in 1/125th of a second wherein other people or other elements tell a story and you just have to be there, observe, stand back and act at the right moment. no grappling for words, no worries of misinterpretation. just a decision to click or not to click.

this is not to say that photography is the easier tool of communication. no, practitioners in the field know very well that a good photograph not only requires voluntary action of carpal muscles to be good. it asks from the photographer skill, technique, adeptness, astuteness and most of all, decisiveness. making decisions seems easy. after all, when the opportunity presents itself, it only takes less than a second to do your job. however, it is precisely that fleetingness of moment coupled with the possibility of affecting the natural flow of human movement and reaction by that single obtrusive lens that makes someone hesitate and lose the photo. there will always be a photo that got away.

french photographer Henri-Cartier Bresson once said, "photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth which can make them come back again." therein lies the beauty of the perfect shot. it is perfect precisely because the moment can never be repeated and you are overwhelmed by an extreme gladness that you took the risk and squeezed the trigger.

in many ways, i think photography is like hunting and hunting especially in the olden times, is necessary for the preservation of life. photography then is a tool for the preservation of the human race. it aims to document, to make immortal the mundane, the extraordinary, every single thing that shows how it is to be truly human and alive.

this is very apparent in taking street photos. the slight movement of the hand, a certain tilting of the body, a movement of the hair, a person's position vis-a-vis a billboard sign, mirror images that last a few seconds only to be erased by the surge of human interaction--everything has meaning in time and space.

i often try to shoot incognito. there is something so appealing in being able to capture people in their most uninhibited and natural states. there's something truthful and pure about it. however, portraits have interested me lately. i have done only one portrait that i like, and as i look at it again and again, the more i realize the importance of that particular shot. photographing people who know you are photographing them, and doing it well gives another kind of gratification. in those few minutes that you fumble and hesitate and decide to take the shot, you become the recipient of the subject's 'subjectivity.' in those instances, he slowly becomes whom he wants you to know. he introduces himself, he shows you what he is and what he is not and you become the humble recipient of his personhood--at least the part he is willing to reveal. and you also give. you give yourself in your quiet goadings, your affirmations, and the moment you choose to take the shot. as a photographer, you too are visible and exposed. it's an intimate exchange, like friendship, like love.

many people hate to have their pictures taken; they say it's like stealing their souls. i too squirm in front of the lens. maybe herein lies the beauty of taking portraits. you no longer feel like an outsider looking in. you do not feel like a thief. you and the subject are both consensual entities in the creative process of capturing the human soul. and i say, as with natural unposed photos, there is also truth and purity in that.

shoe mania

i bought myself a pair of these, coz i needed new shoes and they were on sale...

i chose these because the brand is pretty durable and a many swear by their dependability. two hours, three hours, they're okay. but i can't stand their stuffiness for long periods of time. people say i should be patient, that i'm still breaking them in, that i'll get used to them somehow.

but i miss my old shoes. they fit me perfectly and i don't get annoying blisters. i searched everywhere just to be able to buy the same pair but the company says they're phased out, for real, final answer.

maybe i should just buy another pair of shoes that look very much like my old ones. something like this:

or should i just try my luck with another kind which looks plain, simple, and uncomplicated like this one:

but then again, just the other week, i came across these espadrilles that look fun and crazy in a very relaxed sort of way. and i must say, they got me all excited. maybe i should just get myself one pair of these instead. i'll even be contributing to charity with each pair bought.

i'm thinking, i'm thinking, i'm thinking...oh boy, this is haaaaard.

romanced by memories of the future

why do these things keep popping up on my internet face these days? out-of-the-blue, milan forwarded me an article by my dear college lit teacher ms. rica bolipata-santos. as usual, it's a good read. i'm feeling the powers that be is concocting another laugh-your-guts-out-till-you-pass-out-and-die comedic act. read the artik here. in other news...

itaga mo sa touchstone, tutugtugin kita! yebbah!

malungkot pero mukhang ito ang uuwian ko sa pasko. mausisa nga.

tripped upon somewhere in cyberspace:

My mother told me that all men are a little crazy. "What you need," she said, "is a man whose mania is generous and calm and large enough to include you."

good news monday

a few months ago, my flatmates and i were talking about weddings and i remember blurting out that if i were to get married, i'd like to be registered at R.O.X. or at Victorinox so i'd get all the goodies i had been so kilig about for the longest time. besides, why do newlyweds have to have only kitchen utensils and home wares? who needs five rice cookers and a lot of starter sets right? i'd rather have one of those only and a closetful of windbreakers, footwear and a mean set of heavy duty knives.

well just this evening, my flatmate marielle came home and i told her a bit about the de guia family exhibit that i went to at LRI (read: luzon rattan industries) building, the couches, daybeds, side chairs, tables, trinkets i was crushing over. she shared the interiors of a little cute place at maginghawa called "van gogh is bipolar" that she and lex visited earlier. and then i tipped her on this very cozy korean cafe along taft that my brother lloyd treated me at. and so went our exhanges of gush-able places. marielle was about to go into her cocoon when she stopped in the middle of the stairway and told me, as an afterthought, the best news i've had for a long time: R.O.X. already has a bridal registry!!! yehey. nevermind that that piece of information is not relevant to me now. Haha. it's definitely something to look forward to when and if i do get hitched!

aliiiiiw!!!



i'm not really a cartoon person. when i was younger, i watched g.i.joe, rainbow brite, arthur and some other kiddie shows but i was never a cartoon fanatic. as an adult i still enjoy disney and pixar movies (i looove finding nemo) and appreciate the simpsons and hey arnold but i don't download and collect full seasons of them. the other night, i was listlessly staring at the telly while lani was watching her staple cartoon network when i realized what was transpiring before my very eyes. the powerpuff girls were doing a beatles episode! i've never laughed out loud watching a cartoon in ages. lani must've thought i'd gone bonkers. watch the video above and then check out another upload of it with a very comprehensive annotation of references. man, that really made my day!

atrium fascinarium


creating an atrium inside a large but narrow city apartment to divide the living room and dining area and to open up the space and bring in more light? brilliant. i love it. this particular house is a bit too resort-like for my taste but i'm liking the atrium idea a lot. i'm such a sucker for interiors that soak in the exterior atmosphere. article and more photos here.

Once More, the Minister

Outside, the flies hover lonely in their sleep,

And cogon grass grows and bows, and then grows some more

To bow some more, and the air feels like it’s January

And maybe it is. It has always been this way:

Between the moment heard and the moment recognized as song,

We always have some sad distance to go. It appears then the uncertain,

The fog-thought void always between us and the palpable lush

Should be looked upon as if we had no fear of fault, as if

We had a whole country to pier our regrets,

As if in the constant practice of this gaze,

We lose all expectation for song

-EJ Galang