Yes, yes yes! This is my kind of sunroof!

West Village Rooftop by Caliper Studio

Not Easily

When we get beyond beauty and pleasure,

to the other side of the heart (but short

of the spirit), we are confused about what

to do next. It is too easy to say arriving

is enough. To pretend the music

of the mountain needs only to be heard.

That the dance is known by the dancing,

and the lasagne is realized by eating it.

Not in this place on the other side

of desire. We can swim in the Aegean,

but we can't take it home. A man finds

a melon by the road and continues up

the hill thinking it is the warm melon

that will remain after he has forgotten

the ruins and sea of the summer. He tells

himself this even as the idea of the taste

is replacing what the melon tasted like.

- Jack Gilbert

The Tea Maker Had Coffee for 18 Months and Nobody Else Has the Right to Say Whether It Was Good or Bad

Happy 30th year of freedom, John.

OH MY GOD. The National plays March 2011 within Cebupacific/PAL/Tiger Airways/Airphilippines BUDGET FLIGHT Radius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is soooooooooooo dope!

Recently, PDI published an article called "25 Things to do in the Philippines ... before fantasizing about other countries" . I'm done with 15. Okay, 10 technically because I did not pick strawberries in La Trinidad, I did not wakeboard in camsur, I did not go to Pampanga for the Sisig, I snorkeled not dove in Anilao and I was in CDO for work. Meh. The others have been in my bucket list for some time now. I'm planning to tick them all off by 2012. Who's with me?

someday, i will also be shooting in heels

*this is a real life photographer not a model, mind you.

photo courtesy of thesartorialist.blogspot.com*

i aim to be fabulous so i can have fabulous photos taken in my fabulous 20's which my children could show to my grandchildren for when i'm already dead and decaying. that's foresight. who says i've none?

A Kind of Burning

it is perhaps because
one way or the other
we keep this distance
closeness will tug as apart
in many directions
in absolute din
how we love the same
trivial pursuits and
insignificant gewgaws
spoken or inert
claw at the same straws
pore over the same jigsaws
trying to make heads or tails
you take the edges
i take the center
keeping fancy guard
loving beyond what is there
you sling at the stars
i bedeck the weeds
straining in song or
profanities towards some
fabled meeting apart
from what dreams read
and suns dismantle
we have been all the hapless
lovers in this wayward world
in almost all kinds of ways
except we never really meet
but for this kind of burning.

By Ophelia Dimalanta, 1934-2010

oooh, what is up with these cute baby vids?

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #8

Despite its efficiency and affluence and technological advancement, Singapore is not arrogant nor self-lauding. Instead, Singapore to me is like a responsible adolescent with well-groomed hair that I just want to scruff up all the time. I want to introduce him to all things fun even if they are sometimes improper. I feel he has a lot to learn if he just lets loose. However, spending time with him also forces me to question myself. Did this kid get it right and all along I was wrong? Is efficiency and and maximum productivity the best way to live? On the plane ride home, I think this over and I decide Singapore did a very big mistake to be who he is today. What happened to wonder, to chance, to truths to be discovered by opening yourself up to chaotic magical surprises? Nevertheless, I still respect him for his principles and decisions. I will never be compatible with Singapore the country. I can never live there. But it doesn't mean I cannot meet him once in a while to learn a thing or two and to be able to realize that no, despite its many flaws, I can never not love the Philippines more.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #7:

Our last day in Singapore turned out to be the third to the last. Before we went out, Majen and I discovered we had our departure dates wrong and missed our flight. We just had to live up to our self-imposed titles, hadn't we? How more tonta can you get than that?! Anyway, while Majen was semi-panicking, I just sat at the edge of Kathy's bed and told her to text Kathy. We talked her over our options and im'd Milan and Toni who helped us call our airline from the Philippines. I did not know whether to congratulate or whack myself for my lack of reaction. It either means I had grace under pressure or I just don't care about anything at all. We considered our options -- to stay one more week, save 50% of the ticket home and spend the saved 50% on food and other essentials, or pay the total of 100% and be in Manila in 2 days. I chose the latter. I would not be able stand Singapore with nothing to do in 5 days. Someone would have to restrain me as I might do more stupid things. Besides, I have an early morning plane to catch Nov. 1 for Tuguegarao. Majen can stay longer because she brought work with her but she also opted to fly with me, she says she's afraid she might throw herself out Kathy's window without me there.

So spilled milk on the floor, we waited for Kathy and went to IKEA. The place is a wonderland. IKEA is my candy store! I planned to buy this beautiful cutlery set for 45 SGD but opted to buy just one sample spoon from the As-is section. Also bought a Filicia throw rug and a work lamp. Of course we could not bring home furniture so we just inspected everything at the showroom and made believe.

The following two days we just killed some time: Continued snooping at Singaporean newspapers (the front page news of the day: 5 SPORTS STUDENTS EXPELLED FOR SMOKING), went to the Leica store at Raffles Hotel, spent Halloween at the Asian Civilizations Museum and wasted 1.5 hours lining up for 1 5 minute un-scary fright show--by far the scam of the decade. Finally did a courtesy call to Lolo Merlion and basked in the glow of the famed Singaporean city lights after eating at the real Makansutra where everything you turn, you hear a group of Filipinos chatting like it was just Divisoria. The Satay was good, too bad no Laksa.

While walking cross the lighted riverside path where hundreds of kids in costumes line up along a bar equivalent to the then Embassy, I was asking Kathy and Majen whether they have experienced being drawn to tears upon the sight of something beautiful like a landscape. They said they haven't. I have, I admitted despite predicting laughs and jeers--one time ago in a beach in Batangas. I was walking along a deserted cove then with my friends hundreds of meters away resting in the siesta heat. I just could not contain myself at the beauty of it all and teared up. How funny, I tell them, all these man-made grandeur, although overwhelming for most, does not elicit anything in me. I recognize all the human innovation and skill put into all these, all the planning involved, all the organizing skills, the science, the engineering. But I felt nothing staring at it. I was a bit bothered.

Perhaps the most fun Majen and I had, except for the zoo and the International Photo Festival respectively, is the quiet times at Kathy's place in Kembangan and meals at Hawker 110, our neighborhood hawker center. Majen loved the iced lemon tea.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #6:

- Time to do the touristy things. Majen and I went to Orchard just so we can say we went there. later, we went to Sentosa for the same reason. Rode the Luge which was okay. I hadn't done any exhilarating rides in a while. I imagine it would be fun for a groups of rowdy people. The beach sucked though. I had an urge to announce, "people, do not look too happy. you haven't been to Boracay yet" But that's just me being snobbish. Hehe.

- Bought a luggage bag on sale at Vivo City. My shopping crazy brother and aunt would love Singapore for all its consumerist wonder. I just felt poor.

- Aside from the involuntary study of human interaction in this country and the awe with which I find efficient things -- how that hell could someone or a group of persons have thought of that and actually made it happen (i.e. synched bus stops and mrt rides, tap-automated almost everything) and why the hell can that not happen in the Philippines in a million years-- what kept me enthusiastic for most of the stay is the food! Hainanese Chicken, Onion Prata, Kaya Toast, Indian Curries with Naan, Hokkien Mee, Springy Fishball Soup, Different kinds of Tofu, Cereal Prawns, Nasi Lemak, Braised Pork Pao, Iced Kacang, all permutations of coffee and tea, etc. I've tried. I still haven't tried the Chili Crab, Laksa and Satay though which I plan to sample tomorrow at Makansutra when we finally do the most touristy thing -- picture taking with the Merlion at the Esplanade. Egh.

- 6 days in to Singapore and I already am starting to tire of it. No wonder why I get a sense that people here sometimes look lifeless. Kathy and Fred admit they are more enthusiastic people in the Philippines. Singapore does things to you, they say. I tell them they should not let it. But internally I correct myself. Easy for me to say. What do I know, I don't have to work here for years like thousands of Pinoys. Only they know how it really really is. I've just been given a glimpse.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #4

- While Majen was working back at Kathy's house, I went to the city and headed towards Arab Street and Haji Lane. On the way I saw the Parksquare View tower and it reminded me of Ayn Rand and 1930's New York. I liked the gloominess of it. i also saw two glass buildings, I forget what they are called. Because they are shaped like toblerone bars made to stand, they look tall thin sheets of glass at an angle.

- Arab street and Ha Ji Lane are like a bigger Cubao X arranged around a Mosque. Rounded up the shops but entered just one which says "Used Books". I found interesting ones inside as well as Vinyl and LP discs of artists I would listen to. The person manning the shop had dreads past the waist. He was a welcome sight amidst all these properness. I also bought durian cake from a little shop where people lined up. Figured the cake was good just by that and the heavenly smell. Let's see when I get back to Manila.

- My real agenda coming here (aside from IKEA, that is) was the Singapore International Photo Festival. 8 shows, hundreds of photographs in different locations in the Bras Basah district! I was only able to go to 6 and i was reeling after. Also walking around the area, which is composed of Museums, Galleries, Art Schools, a mix of big and small contemporary buildings, although I truly enjoyed it, can make even a street walker like me ache in the calves. My other stop was the 2902 Gallery in the Old School, a design institute which was on top of Mount Sophia. It's just a hill in Philippine standards, but still. Good thing I asked the girl in the gallery how to get to the National Museum of Singapore the shortest way which is a long flight of stairs through an alley, much like the stairs in Ateneo going to Barangka but longer and more picturesque. I got to the National Museum 7:15 just 15 minutes shy of the free international screening of Tiong Bahru: Civic Life, a 20-minute film about a slice of Singaporean life in a hawker center. Watching it and the 3-minute films that came before it gave me a better sense of space-self connection in the Singaporean weltanshauung.

- Sigh, I really hope we have something like the SIPF in the Philippines also. I really do. It would be really exciting!

- As if the day wasn't giddily overwhelming yet, I met up with Majen and my cousin Seneca for dinner at Little India. I love the spiciness of Indian food. Soaked up the hustle and bustle of Mustafa Center and bought some souvenirs and made a long-overdue perfume purchase.

- Singapore does not encourage people in the streets late at night. At 11:50 p.m. we got left behind by our train (Red Line) and caught a circle line train (Yellow Line) to go to the Kembangan station (Green Line) which entailed lots of running. Hahaha. Majen and I also got left by the last bus and so we walked to Kathy's condo which was okay considering we were laughing like crazy with our take-away iced lemon tea from the hawker center.

- After that, I had to make a last-minute IT for Melaka for the next day. And as anyone would guess, Melaka would not push through.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #5

- Humidity, Majen's monthly period, my body ache from yesterday's adventure, cash just enough as in sagad to the cents for up to Saturday, Majen not so much interested in heritage architecture and walking compared to me--all led to our decision not to go and just squeeze Singapore of its juices.

- Went to Bugis Street market just to see what the ruckus was about and ate lunch there. Brought Majen to Arab Street and just lolled around in the humid heat. Went into the shops this time and struck a little convo with the Chinese Singporean Guy the Define Happiness Sunglass Shop about Ray Bans. Tried bandung (rose) juice. Majen did not like it. She said it was like drinking perfume.

- Was home early around 7:30. Slept like a log after.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #3:

- There's a lady in the Kembangan station who stands in between escalators and greets everybody everyday a good morning in different languages. Kathy said the first time she saw her, she said magandang umaga without batting an eyelash. This morning, I was greeted with Anyong Haseo and just a second later, Konichiwa. Looks like I gave her a hard time. Sorry lady, Pinay lah!

- Surged through Raffes Place Interchange during the morning rush hour just for the heck of it. If you close your eyes, and listen closely, you'd notice there are no murmurs or banter. They were like employees in combat boots or soldiers in high heels and leather shoes.

- Nasi Lemak is love.

- I want to get to know some of the zoo workers and make a photo story of their daily lives. Yes, even when they are in their own HDB's. I just discovered that I adore Asian elephants. I particularly love Gambir and her mahout. I think their relationship is already worth one full story.

- I realize that about 40 percent of human speech in the Philippines consist of complaints. Even when a person is alone, you'd hear he occasional tsk, sigh, guffaw or obvious 'parinig.' One of the reasons people in Singapore don't talk much is that they have nothing to complain about. Everything works perfectly and things proceed like clockwork. The society is arranged in such a way that conversing with one another is minimized. There are signs everywhere for everything. The EZ link cards are your ticket to anywhere. I wonder how the bus drivers do it -- working whole day without talking at all. Majen thinks only a few societies have the concept of panis-laway. Yesterday I bought something in a shop but first asked for the price because i could not see any. The salesman apologized quite profusely for the lack of price tag. I smiled and said it was okay but what I really wanted to do was poke his side and kid him for 5 minutes for being such a worrywart until he really laughs.

- Perhaps the only thing I envy about this country is that it is so safe to use your gadgets in the streets. People use their iPads, phones and cameras everywhere, even in the train. You won't need a zippered bag here. Bringing something as accesible as a basket would be fine.

- Going to Geylang (brothel district FTW!) strangely felt like I was back in college going to my aunt's Malate home for the weekend to rush some papers using her computer. Many of the buildings resembled Sta. Cruz where i worked for a couple of months and one alley looked like my old neighborhood in Barangka. Strangely, Geylang felt like home.

- The MRT Love Your Ride Jingle gives me the Pleasantville creeps. By now I may be partly brainwashed by subliminal messages. If you won't recognize me when I get back, please for the love of all things true, slap me. Hard.

- I haven't done any shooting. Even if I want too, I can't shoot when I'm with someone. Tomorrow I'll be all alone in the big city so I will give it another go. Timely that i read this (http://blog.kevinmoloney.com/?p=650) tonight. I needed a reminder.

- Also, just to save some flying weight, I opted not to bring my (read: paper) notebook. First time to travel without one. Wrong move, indeed. I still cannot write down thoughts electronically. Doing so leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Tomorrow I will get myself a little notebook.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #2:

Same volume of people like in Manila in some places but totally different noise levels. I think this is because many Singaporeans are Buddhists and have a more serene and less aggressive disposition. After getting our feet wet in a Hindu temple during a massive ceremony today (uh, literally as we walked barefoot on wet floors and carpets), Majen Kathy and I immersed ourselves longer in a Buddhist temple. I liked the recorded chanting there. At first I thought it was real chanting and started to look for monks. I discovered small round ceiling speakers instead. Not bad those little things.

Las Turistas Tontas Status Log #1:

Singapore is so organized I wanna wreak some havoc.

think tank retrospective 30

i want this bag!!! well the gears too... but this bag is pretty awesome! fits everything you need, it's waterproof and inconspicuous too. oh oh oh oh oh! i want this bag!!!

this is the view from my former boss' new apartment in the netherlands. her husband who is also there doing some scientific experiments through a grant entitled his facebook album "view from a crappy place." i'd take a crappy place for this sight. i love the church! i know there are more beautiful and magnificent churches in the area but i like this because it is at the center of a clump of apartments which seem to be enveloping it in an embrace. reminds me of a setting for a musical. an extreme urge to belt out "where is love" from Oliver suddenly overcame me upon seeing this photo. lovely lovely lovely!

(photo by nath)

*image picked up somewhere in the intarwebz,

i can't remember where*

If I ever get to have a kid, I will teach him/her to memorize a few poems just like how my mom did with me. Look at this cute kid reciting "Litany" by Billy Collins. He's a natural at the performing arts. You can tell by his tone and the way he prolongs certain words. Amazing!

i held out my hand and my heart was in it.

I told you about the fool on the hill,
I tell you man he living there still.
Well here's another place you can be.

- j, p, g and r

a moment of clarity, a succession of new questions. age has taught me so many things and, at the same time, has proven that i don't know any more than my 12-year-old self did. life just gives a lot of examples to prove the thesis statement. yet even the simplest of truths has so many facets that any explanation to dissect the many layers of its meaning is left wanting.

this is what booze looks like under a microscope. almost makes me happily drunk just by looking at it. a simple overused "thank you" understates all the gratitude i feel for all the people who have loved me at one point or another all these 27 years. if not in words or in actions, i hope by some telepathic force or energy transference, i am able to send you back all the love i have received tenfold. life is good, salud!

*more booze photos here.*

september air na! yahoo!!!

indecision kills. marami itong pinapatay. hindi lang mga katawan ng Chinese tourists at hostage-takers--pati puso at kaluluwa ng mga taong nilipas ng pagkakataon.

can't sleep. sad times for the whole country and for some people i know. it's times like these that i need a hug so bad.

Emerging Adulthood is the New Puberty
*what a timely article for the recent re-emergence of the same old shit


"With lifespans stretching into the ninth decade, is it better for young people to experiment in their 20s before making choices they'll have to live with for more than half a century? Or is adulthood now so malleable with marriage and employment options constantly being reassessed, that young people would better off just getting started on something, or else they'll never catch up, consigned to remain always a few steps behind the early bloomers? Is emerging adulthood a rich and varied period of self-discovery or is it just another term for self-indulgence?

Read full article here.

teka nadistract ako. disclaimer: ayoko sa kantang 'to at lalo naman sa bandang 'to. hahaha. pero ang ganda lang ni angel locsin dito. great make-up too! sorry naman, ngayon lang ako nakapag-TV dahil kailangan lang mag product review ng pinahiram na Samsung 3D LED TV. woohoo! woohoo!



oo, at dahil jologs ako, myx ang pinanonood ko kahit na plug and play ang usb at puwedeng mag-games at mag-internet dito. :))

ah yes, one needs a lot of money to buy a heads set. one hard-bound book, 11 CD's and a fan shirt are inside. kulang nalang board game. abangan!!!

ang payat payat na ni armi! woohoo. wolf whistles!!!

Anong gagawin mo pagkatapos ng shoot sa Ultra, rush hour, at wala kang masakyan pauwi? Gaya ng nakagawian, magpunta sa megamall para mag-ubos ng konting oras. Kumain ng Beef Pinatubo Jamaican Patty, mag-order ng P 40 na cappuccino sa Red Ribbon dahil kapeng-kape ka na ng disenteng kape at mahal sa Starbucks. Buklatin ang librong inorder mo sa Powerbooks, yung nakita mo dalawang taon na ang nakararaan ngunit ngayon mo lang napagdesisyonang bilhin.


Basahin ang mga kataga--tahimik, pume-pacing ngunit hitik sa kahulugan. Ngumiti habang umiiling. Minsan ka lang maaliw sa nasusulat na salita. Maya-maya lumabas ka na papuntang sakayan. Mahaba nanaman ang pila ngunit di tulad ng dati, tama lang ang takbo ng oras. Pabugso-bugso ang iyong hakbang ngunit wala kang problemang humanay sa tamang hanay. Naisip mong huwag nang tumangkilik sa mga sasakyang wala ding disiplina sa pagpila. Nagmamadali kang umuwi, nagmamadali siyang kumita. Malamang sa malamang magkaka-kontratahan. May kasunduang magaganap pero ang ending, may isa sa inyo uuwing iniisip na nalamangan siya ng isa. Hindi, dito ka nalang sa pila.

So I found myself watching prenup videos last night for no particular reason. Or maybe I had a reason... I watched someone's video and clicked and clicked and clicked on and the next thing I know I'd spent 3 hours on different websites.

I have mixed feelings about these two by Mayad Studios. My first reaction was, "OMG! Really? Ganitong level na? WTF?!"... and then I was overcome by a sudden feeling to try my hand at doing videos. Caladryl the creative itch! GASTOS!!! Hahaha.

De Beers Commercial much?

Gladiator!!! No wait.... Eh? Banking and insurance company ad?

*more videos here*

yes, of course. i'd love a bed with a view too.
*photo by ed van der elsken*

"Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are. And the more you wage war."

- Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

how can you grow old?

what a stress buster :)

oh bummer! i have to go through "gear faggotry"? really?!? i thought i was at least in the "composition" stage. :(

*image from here*

i never liked numbers...so should i listen to this?

"paalam aking bulalakaw, pagkat kailangan ko nang dumilat sa tawag ng inang araw" - khavn de la cruz

Rock on Sir!

"We have our own God. We are taken cared of…somehow...even when you are at an edge, putang ina, you think, wala na (there is nothing anymore!) then, ‘tang ina, meron! You push yourself to the edge, you feel alive." -- Alex Baluyut, photographer.

*read full interview here.*

you sing, you paint, you write. some people dance. we're made of the same stuff.

I have nothing to confess.
That is the moon. Here
is my glass. They both
darken the more I speak.
And I rise. Struck down
by more poems than women.
Sinking into the page
to grab a drink and lift it
to my lips. I have a hymn.
I rise with that hymn
and curse at the stars.
That is how I love. Sending
all my loudest howls
into a vacuum. I invent
other names for despair.
Flower. Canvas. Century.
I own nothing of value
but gratitude. Thank you,
moon. Thank you, drink.
Thank you, darkness, for
nothing. Nothing is the best
place to drink in. Nothing
is the opposite of silence.
Nothing is a lion. And I am
a wolf. Caged in the world.
Embracing its inhabitants.
That god damn moon.

- Old Dog and Scotch, Rafael San Diego

wood floorboards, full bookshelves, textured fabric and nice nice furniture. another needed dose of inspiration. i want, and i mean i will need to have at least one finn juhls chair in the future!

it was a good decision to have gone out at 7 pm tonight. what a nice surprise! venus being closer to my moon and my earth is definitely a good sign.

photo by luis liwanag

ayayay!

Been listening to a stream of The National's new album High Violet which will be out in May. I'm having goosebumps! Another tight-ass shit from this great band.

Excerpts from New York Time's article:

“Alligator” and “Boxer” did what excellent rock ’n’ roll albums did in the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s: transcended the sum of their singles to offer something larger. In the National’s case, it was a powerful, probing feeling for the inner lives of average people out in the American heartland. So good was the music that with it came the promise of what might follow, the heady potential that the National would soon take things one step further, go ahead and make the great Middle American novel as music, an album for our time.

Since Matt excels at writing about sensitive people whose lives slump within that chapfallen key, the result is songs that are rich with mood, slow-cooked all the way down.

…the truth is that all five live for the measure-by-measure rigor of building, tearing down and rebuilding four-minute songs.

That feeling of risk shows up in the songs. The National’s sensibility captures the in-between feeling of being adrift in the mainstream with only a medium-size American heart to keep you from sinking. As Matt writes in the song “Slow Show,” “Looking for somewhere to stand and stay/I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away.” It’s one of several songs that engage with the growing recognition that life out in the middle isn’t as stable as you were brought up to believe.

Read full article and listen to album stream here. Waaah. Concert! Concert! Concert!

it's lonely being tired all the time. kayod lang. someday soon, if it's not that, i hope it's this:

call me mellow
photo from here

woke up early today and this vid greeted me on my wall, c/o the little brother. cuteness. good vibes summer everyone!

Mistakes made: denial, internal skirmishes, negativity, loss

Lessons learned: truth, acceptance, positivity, abundance

"Being in the flow refers to a state of being where present actions and attitudes are in perfect sync with our visualizations and goals for the future. Its a state of coincidence and synchronicity brought on by creative and affirmative visualization." -- Martin Prihoda

words: time to use less of the inessential
*photo from here*

Passion is the overpowering, inescapable fate of all artists, who must learn at great costs and pain not to control it — for control is impossible — but to ride it so that it will not destroy them. This mysterious, dangerous struggle is at the center of all art that hopes to penetrate the surface of its medium, and it was this process that Henry James, the sanest of writers, described with ardent candor in The Middle Years:

"We work in the dark — we do what we can — we give what we have. Our doubt is our passion, and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art."

-- from "Connect the Prose and the Passion" by Dana Goia. Read whole essay here.

yes, i know. i'm old-fashioned.





i loved she and him's first album, now second one's out. it's a sweet-sour-salty happy little cd.

vol. 1 playlist here
vol. 2 playlist here

"The artist fashions himself in that ceaseless oscillation from himself and others, midway between the beauty he cannot do without and the community from which he cannot tear himself. That is why true artists scorn nothing. They force themselves to understand instead of judging."

- Albert Camus

thought dyptich

*photo 1, photo 2*

I wanna hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I’m very, very frightening
I’ll overdo it.

-- "Slow Show" The National

restless but steady. raw but solemn. chillax pero stirring. i've got no words, really. haaaaay. that's it. i'm saving up for any concert within cebupac/PAL flight radius.

floor-to-ceiling bookshelves
time to hustle!
*photo from here*

Margaret Moth, R.I.P.

part two
part three

When you think about it, isn’t that really the main reason people make art — to make these kinds of connections? I mean, yeah, you’ll hear many an artist in various fields say “I write for myself” or “I paint for myself” or “I make music for myself,” but they’re usually not just tossing their work into the garage once they’re finished with it. What they mean is, they’re not entertainers, figuring out what the audience wants and then supplying it. “Writing for yourself” means you’re capturing something you want to share — and releasing it means you’re hoping it strikes a chord with someone. Reporters used to ask the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” crew about all the obscure references — why include so many jokes that almost no one’s going to get? Their answer: the right people will get it.

- From "Letter to a Young Artist (Plus a Joke)" by Adam Cadre

the gloves are there for good reason.
*image from here*

a note for you, a reminder to myself

The Invitation I Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

okay, i know it's sweltering hot these days. and i still haven't won my sun dresses from two years ago. but i love cold weather clothes simply because i feel the most comfortable in them. so i gathered my favorite things and pasted them all in one file. it's like playing dress-the-paper-dolls, only your choices are almost limitless. i'm very much looking forward to the ber months. this here will be my fashion inspiration. yay!

• coat - call me an old fuddy duddy but i love love love coats, i love this cut and i love this color.
• jeans - i never got why my dad is such a levi's fan. i was always a divi kind of shopper. but recently after i availed my GC's for shooting a levi's store for a magazine, i finally understood. my two new 501's changed my life. now i'm hooked! i can't wait to get myself a new pair. gaaah-stos.
• shoes - this is my 2010 take on an annie hall look. plus i love the company's advocacy.
• shades - yes, it's a carl zeiss lens.
• bag - at first, i was drawn to this. i like tans and browns and i tend to stay within the color palette. but the ensemble looked kinda drab so i decided to throw in some color and texture just for fun!
• hair - i miss my long hair and bangs.
  

so there. time to scour the ukays to find items for this look. wish me luck!

The Abnormal is Not Courage I Jack Gilbert

The Poles rode out from Warsaw against the German
Tanks on horses. Rode knowing, in sunlight with sabers,
A magnitude of beauty that allows me no peace.
And yet this poem would lessen that day. Question
The bravery. Say it’s not courage. Call it a passion.
Would say courage isn’t that. Not at it’s best.
It was impossible, and with form. They rode in sunlight,
Were mangled. But I say courage is not the abnormal
Not the marvelous act. Not Macbeth with fine speeches.
The worthless can manage in public, or for the moment.
It is too near the whore’s heart: the bounty of impulse,
And the failure to sustain even small kindness.
Not the marvelous act but the evident conclusion of being.
Not strangeness, but a leap forward of the same quality.
Accomplishment. The even loyalty. But fresh.
Not the Prodigal Son, nor Faustus. But Penelope.
The thing steady and clear. Then the crescendo.
The real form. The culmination. And the exceeding.
Not the surprise. The amazed understanding. The marriage.
Not the month’s rapture. Not the exception. The beauty
That is of many days. Steady and clear.
It is the normal excellence, of long accomplishment.

one of the reasons why i fucking love the philippines. and because it's summer, this shit sells for only P40 a kilo. wahoooeeeey!!! (i'm jumping like a JJSP!) now, now... what to cook with it?

*photo from here*

Ihip ng Hangin

Pabagu-bago ang ihip ng hangin. Ngunit madalas mayroon itong nakagawiang ruta. Kaya kapagka biglang nag-iiba ang ihip ng hangin at hindi ito sumusunod sa nakagawiang ruta, nagkakaroon ng ipu-ipo.

Naalala ko noong minsang makipagtitigan ako nang mata sa mata sa isang malakas na ipu-ipo. Iyon ay nangyari sa gitna ng isang bagong ararong bukid na katatapos lamang pinag-anihan ng mais. Nangyari ito mga labingwalong taon na ang nakalilipas.

Parang may hindi nakikitang higanteng kamay na nagpapaikot noon sa hangin. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kakaibang paglakas ng hangin. Kitang-kita ko ang paghugis ng ipu-ipo sa gitna ng araruhan. Mabilis ito lumaki at tila tumatakbo nang mabilis sa hindi depenidong direksyon. Hanggang sa ito'y malapit na sa kinaroroonan ko.

Parang huminto ang pag-ikot nang mundo noon. Tila kandila akong napagkit sa kinatatayuan. Ramdam ko ang pagtindig ng maliliit na balahibo sa aking batok. At ang ipu-ipo ay tila huminto at nakikipag-usap sa akin. Ngunit paano ko kakausapin ang isang nagngangalit na elementong kumakanaw sa alikabok at patay na mga tangkay ng mais?

Labingwalong taon na ang nakalilipas. At ngayon, nakita kong muli ang ipu-ipo. Ngunit sa panaginip na lamang. Nakapagtataka, sapagkat sa aking panaginip ako ang ipu-ipo. Sapagkat nakita kong gumalaw ang aking mga kamay. Mabilis ang paggalaw ng aking mga kamay at kinanaw ang lupa't nagsaalikabok ito. Nagliparan ang mga tuyong tangkay ng mais. Nagliparan ang mga dahon. Nagliparan ang maliliit na mga sanga. Pabilis nang pabilis ang pag-ikot ng ipu-ipo. Sa gitna noon ay naroon ako. At sa labas ng ipu-ipo, nakita ko ang isang batang babae na nakikipagtitigan sa akin.

*mula kay Telesforo*

Someday we'll understand the whole thing as one single marvelous vision that will seem so overwhelmingly simple and beautiful that we may say to each other; 'Oh, how could be have been so stupid for so long? How could it have been otherwise!
- John Archibald Wheeler

thought dyptich

gift or curse?

Ars Poetica? I Czeslaw Milosz

I have always aspired to a more spacious form

that would be free from the claims of poetry or prose

and would let us understand each other without exposing

the author or reader to sublime agonies.

In the very essence of poetry there is something indecent:

a thing is brought forth which we didn’t know we had in us,

so we blink our eyes, as if a tiger had sprung out

and stood in the light, lashing his tail.

That’s why poetry is rightly said to be dictated by a daimonion,

though it’s an exaggeration to maintain that he must be an angel.

It’s hard to guess where that pride of poets comes from,

when so often they’re put to shame by the disclosure of their frailty.

What reasonable man would like to be a city of demons,

who behave as if they were at home, speak in many tongues,

and who, not satisfied with stealing his lips or hand,

work at changing his destiny for their convenience?

It’s true that what is morbid is highly valued today,

and so you may think that I am only joking

or that I’ve devised just one more means

of praising Art with the help of irony.

There was a time when only wise books were read,

helping us to bear our pain and misery.

This, after all, is not quite the same

as leafing through a thousand works fresh from psychiatric clinics.

And yet the world is different from what it seems to be

and we are other than how we see ourselves in our ravings.

People therefore preserve silent integrity,

thus earning the respect of their relatives and neighbors.

The purpose of poetry is to remind us

how difficult it is to remain just one person,

for our house is open, there are no keys in the doors,

and invisible guests come in and out at will.

What I'm saying here is not, I agree, poetry,

as poems should be written rarely and reluctantly,

under unbearable duress and only with the hope

that good spirits, not evil ones, choose us for their instrument.

Berkeley, 1968