Being deprived of intellectual stimulation makes me cranky. Yes I work. I read books every now and then. I attend conferences and seminars. I even take note of quotable song lines just to have something to think about. But I miss having to converse with somebody about a topic and discover nuances of perspectives and thought processes. I miss seriously thinking about something and saying my piece about it. I miss subjecting my ideas to rigorous questioning until either I weaken my stance to let new ideas in or strengthen it it because new arguments add only to the truth that I see.
People around me now don't really discuss things. Times like these, I miss my friends who readily engage dissecting bizarre musings bordering on the blasphemous and even insane to tried and tested philosophies that are either considered cliche or cheesy. Lani, Madie and I would stay up until four in the morning discussing bureaucratic authoritarianism, illiberal democracy and what not and applying these in the Philippine context. We'd end up sighing simultaneously and trying to get some shut-eye in time for our 7:30 long exams (which by the way are in no way related to the said topics, we tend to talk about things at the wrongest times). I miss my literature classes where I get to be assimalated with the artsy breed who seem to ooze out witty passion. I miss facilitating prayer meetings in AtSCA where I get overwhelmed by the richness of each one's sharing. I used to get filled up spiritually it's hard not to exude giddiness and infectious goodwill.
When talking about trivial matters and gossiping about other people, my college friends (a.k.a tomadores)tried to assure everybody in the group that it was okay, we were merely taking a break from greatness. Well now, I think I'd taken a break from greatness for too long. I am experiencing a lightness of being that is becoming more and more unbearable. I've got to do something about this lest I'd be flying over the cuckoo's nest. I can already feel my feet rising a few inches above ground it's scary.
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