One day, isang araw, ako'y nag-trolley, baw.

Last tuesday, Manay and I accompanied applicants of the Landas ng Pag-Asa scholarship from Payatas to take their entrance exam at ERDA Tech in Pandacan, Manila. In order to save travel time, all ten of us used the "metro walk", a semi-secret passage through the PNR tracks that cuts accross Teresa St. in Sta. Mesa and reaches Pandacan. It was my first time to ride the trolley. I am amazed at how inventive Filipinos can get. Without this route, we would have to go to Quiapo first and then ride a bus to Pandacan, which will take around two hours as opposed to an hour taking the LRT, a jeep and the trolley.

The conditions of the people were so depressing. Shanties were so close to each other. It seems that the residents were mostly tambays, killing time watching trolleys pass by. There were a lot of kids playing around and even more adults just talking to each other or sharing gin bulag or tanduay. I was trying to capture some of this through my point and shoot but a companion said, "Ate, itago mo yan. Ang sama ng tingin sayo." All I got then were these shots and every one of them were "hail marys".

It's very disturbing to witness conditions like these, much less to live like this. It's ironic that people here live right smack at the physical center of the metro but live also at its social margins.

Last Sunday was spent with fellow 3diers as we listened to Mr. Gil Nartea and Mr. Luis Liwanag, both acclaimed photojournalists, talk about photojournalism and street photography.

Tata Gil, the rock and roll photographer of the Philippines teaches photojournalism at UP and shoots for the ABS-CBN publications group. He is formerly the chairman of Philippine Center for Photojournalism and is currently into street photography.

Identifying and exposing "organized chaos" in everything he sees, Luis Liwanag works for Newsbreak Magazine and is working for national daily broadsheets and numerous International photo wire agencies like AFP, AP and World Press Photo, among others.

It was truly an honor that they, despite hectic schedules, took time to be with the club for half a day, telling us stories and sharing their tips on this field. Mr. Nartea and Mr. Liwanag showed us some of their reportages as well. A critique of the 3diers' photos was done after the forum. This part took some time but both were so patient and enthisiastic in giving their comments. We were in high spirits during the small salo-salo simply because it was truly inspiring to hear from these pioneer photographers.

It was an important event for me, personally, as I am currently trying to explore my options in photography. Aside from travel photography, I am also drawn to taking newsworthy photos and taking photos on the streets. When I was younger, I used to want to be a journalist but that dream got sidetracked. My family discourgaed me because of the low pay and long sometimes dangerous hours that went with the profession. Also, I am always on the streets. My work and my very nature just can't seem to put me in one place. I am always on the go, riding and walking around the metro. Every "lakad" is a feast for the eyes as I am drawn to a lot of elements around. Even before I started to know about photography, I was always trying to frame things in my mind. On occassions, I even used my fingers as viewfinders. The photo sthat Mr. Nartea and Mr. Liwanag showed were tugs to my heart. They spoke to me more than photos of product or sports activities do. They spoke to me in ways I cannot explain or even comprehend at this point.

***
We also had the privilege to meet Akira Liwanag, Mr. Luis Liwanag's son, on the event. Akira, only 15 years old, takes great photos and is already a budding photojournalist himself. View his photoblog and be amazed by clicking this.

what's in a name?

I discovered this write-up when an online friend told me there's a toy camera named Diana. The review is a very thought-provoking one. Now I'm really thinking hard. Am I, in a lot of ways, a Diana camera?


"What are Diana cameras? really?... They are pretty crappy cameras, a toy camera, a carnival camera, a promotional camera, a cheap camera.

So whey all the hubbub bub? Why is it that I see people going gaga over this piece of crap toy camera and paying upwards of 100-200 U.S. for one? Well... we really don't know...we think they must be rich people that have money stuffed in their mattresses. But seriously, there is no marketing genius out there filling our heads with fuzzy pictures with vignetted edges... and it isn't as if they are that hard to find, even though they have been out of production for a quarter of a century.

The fact of the matter is that the mystique of the diana cameras come from her faults, its technical disabilities, its light leaks, its vignetting, and of course that cute blue top, all make up her charm. Perhaps one of the main reasons why they can be so pricey are because they are one of a kind, no other camera makes images just like a Diana camera.

What would seem to be the biggest bit of information that people just aren't aware of is that even though we affectionately call them all "Diana cameras", there are in fact dozens upon dozens of cameras with differnt names. Even though their names are different, there are some that are built the exact same way.

Why then do we call them all "Diana cameras"? most likely because cameras with the name "Diana" on it were the most common one distributed around the world, particularly in North America where an infux of photographers used the "Diana" cameras for creating photographic artwork. Other than that it must be just a collector thing, people must have a genuine Diana camera, not a clone or imitation. So from here on in, you should be aware that when I refer to "Diana cameras" I am in fact also referring to her many sisters and clones.

We at toycamera certainly wouldn't put up our noses at the sight of a "Windsor", "tru-view", "Stellar", or "Anny" camera, we know its one in the same, the same crappy toy camera as the Diana. Why then all the different names for the same camera? It is not likely that there was any real genius from the folks at the Great Wall Plastic Co. they sold different cameras with different names depending on where they were shipping them to, or would put on the logos of companies to be sold as promotional items. They were given away at carnivals for prizes and sold on convenience store racks.

Just like a bad horror movie, the Diana camera has several sequels and spin-offs. Some of these include the "De Luxe" version of cameras that shoot 6x6 cm negatives complete with hot shoe, 127 TLR's, 120 TLR's, and of course the "Flash" versions of cameras that come with a cheap plastic flash unit. So you are on the lookout for a Diana camera, what should you look for? Well if it isn't clear yet, DON'T LOOK FOR A DIANA!!!, look for one of her clones, for a complete list of names see this link

Also, be aware that many Diana cameras are built for use with 620 film, which differs from 120 only little, but can make life difficult if you want to use it with 120 film.

As a last note, there is no better way to find out about a Diana camera than to get one and experiment with it and above all HAVE FUN WITH IT!!! After all it is a toy camera, if you take it too seriously people might try to lock you up in the looney bin..."

- http://www.toycamera.com/cam/diana.html

long time no post

Long time since I posted here. Heck, long time since I posted anwhere else. Good thing I brought emmet along with me to work last Sunday in Payatas. At first I thought it was going to be like any other work weekend. But then I was struck by the kids playing at the playground within the Sta. Maria de la Paz chapel compound.

These kids are beautiful. I got to see where they live. Their parents are mostly scavengers at the dumpsite nearby and it's amazing how they, despite conditions unconducive to their holistic development, still manage to have lots of fun. There's no joy compared to experiencing children's innocence and mirth. It is because of the potentiality of personhoods that keeps me, and I bet many of us in the development field, going and going and going.



Click here for more photos!

Last Wednesday, I got a call from Ateneo Alumni Association asking whether of not 3di can cover the blessing of their new office at Bellarmine and the induction ceremonies of a new set of board of directors at Moro. After talks with Clem and Giselle, Giselle and I finally accepted to shoot the event pro bono. It was a new experience for both of us. Although Giselle and I had limited equipment (we didn't even have a speedlite! and the light was difficult to handle in some parts of the venue), we made do with what we had and just alotted extra time after to edit the photos. AAA says they need the solo shots of the board for their website. I hope what we were able to come up will suffice. This is what giselle and I looked like tonight while fixing the stuff:



That's giselle (left) and moi (right). Thanks to kalen for goofing around and taking this photo. Hihihihi. Cuuuute.

*the photo hunt was a lot of fun. To view my humble harvest, click this.

hello, what took you so long?

hello, what took you so long?

At long last... I now have Emmet, my Canon EOS 400D, that is. Yehey! Got him from Quiapo yesterday after three attempts (a month) of trying to buy him through someone who gets big discounts and long payment terms in Quiapo. It turned out that I had to buy Emmet myself, because buying him through a three-month term was just not in the stars for me. I won't even try to explan why. Long story. Let's just say that some people are meant to let you down, even thrice, if they can't help it. I had to resort to my own resources and efforts and got Emmet at an even lower price albeit in cash. After entering the wrong atm card and consequently entering the wrong atm pin three times out of excitement, after a dozen jeepney rides around town just to get the damn moolah over the counter, I got my hands on my baby. Now I'm practically broke, and trying my damndest not to mind.

Shot this earlier on my way home. Need to practice more through. Photohunt is on Saturday. Can't wait!



*the holidays were more sober than those of yore. it's as if people had their fix of downers. nevertheless, the bleakness this year doesn't take away the fact that jesus is born and he is still here, now.

*took a hodgepodge of photos in aparri. click here to view.

For me the camera is a sketch book, an instrument of intuition and spontaneity, the master of the instant which, in visual terms, questions and decides simultaneously. In order to "give a meaning" to the world, one has to feel involved in what one frames through the viewfinder. This attitude requires concentration, discipline of mind, sensitivity, and a sense of geometry. It is by economy of means that one arrives at simplicity of expression.

To take a photograph is to hold one's breath when all faculties converge in a face of fleeing reality. It is at that moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.

To take a photograph means to recognize - simultaneously and within a fraction of a second - both the fact itself and the rigorous organisation of visually perceived forms that give it meaning.

It is putting one's head, one's eye, and one's heart on the same axis.

-- Henri Cartier-Bresson

I tell you: I will always remember this pain -- how difficult it was to keep on searching for someone else when I already found you.

--"To someone who has bever been caught" by Edgar Samar

the pacquaio mystique

Was able to get to Quiapo in time for the final minute of the cable broadcast of the Pacquiao-Morales fight. It's amazing how the whole nation stops to watch Manny slug it out with every oppenent he meets. Call it the Paquiao Mystique. I'm baffled. Scary how he can even be the next president.

*Photos may appear too dark on your screen. I have not calibrated Nigel yet. Boohoo. Mental note to self: check Nigel's monitor calibration.

my week in bullets

- 4 days of brain racking (exciting) work writing project proposals in Laguna
- a nice friday evening with a bit of weirdness akin to two peppercorns lost in a in a mug of cold draft beer
- a very pathetic movie among pathetic horror movies. whoever is the cinematographer for the grudge 2 must be shot . wait, make that mauled AND THEN shot. goddemit, you don't include overhead microphones in the freakin' frame!
- setting 'let's get it on' on loop until i dozed off to la-la land
- a slow beatles-ey sunny moring taxi ride
- trip to the dentist and paying much more than i would have had i just looked for one in katipunan
- quiet lunch at bread talk, two hours at national cubao
- date with jack nicholson and snickering the afternoon out; realization that leo di caprio is actually hot in the movie and that i really like an angry man with a swagger.
- jap dinner with my brother kev
- taking home my badly needed new set of (read: 50% off) trainers, watching reruns of sex and the city, snooping around the net, thinking what i should be doing with my life...yet again.
- reminding myself i should be sleeping now because i'd have to get to payatas at 8 am tomorrow. okay, hafta sleep. now. zzz...

layers

layers

warm skin on granite
olive oil on pink, extra virgin.
you on the slopes,
dreams descend
on kitchen tabletops.

am i stalling?

am i stalling?

Went undertime today to attend a forum entitled

Resistance: the struggle for representation. Who portays whom?
with Shahidul Alam, PhD
Scientist, Photographer, Social Activist

The talk mainly focused on how images shape perspectives and opinions of the world we live in. Dr. Alam shared how images are used and sometimes manipulated by the hegemons of society to paint a picture that only serves their particular interests. He showed examples of his work in Bangladesh, where he is based, and other photographers' work around the world and the underlying forces for the publication of these. It got the audience, which composed mostly of photojournalists, students and photography hobbyists to question their approach to viewing, taking and publishing photographs. Who is represented and for what purpose? It was a stimulating discussion and I'm glad I attended it. I want to steepen my learning curve, as you know.

Seeking intellectual stimulation didn't end there for the night. Met with Toni for coffee. Talking to her is such a joy. Although there are differences with the way we think, we understand each other in so many levels it's so comforting.

Although prior to that, the ex, who picked up a book I borowed for him from the rizal lib, was talking about how I should not be climbing too many ladders at the same time and just stick to one, Toni (I love her) said that there is nothing wrong with lateral growth. It is a valid aspiration. I totally agree, at least at this stage. I'm still checking out lots of ladders for me to want to climb. I sometimes fear that I'm being jack of all trades master of none but as I said, I'm not rushing myself. It's all good.

That does not mean I should condone my own stalling. Maybe I should fill out the scholarship form for the konrad adenauer asian center for journalism diploma in photojournalism. It's kinda scary to launch into this. It might seal my life forever into this field. But if I don't do this, I'll stagnate. I'll die (metaphorically). It's like this: my fear of failing paralyzes me from doing something with my life, making me really, without a doubt, mediocre in the process. As toni pointed out, sometimes it's beter to fail than be mediocre because failing would mean having put so much effort into something but the stars or society, or whatever circumstance is just not with you at the moment. The real failure is not doing anything. True failure is being okay to not doing anything. I don't think I want that.

So, while laterally trying to grow, I will try to find my ladder, I guess.

I fold out now a piece of paper I've been keeping in my wallet since graduation. It's a handwritten essay on a notebook page I stole from one of the AtSCA ed files. Someone in the org who graduated four years ahead of me tucked it in one of the files. It reads:

"The great thing about life is that as long as we live, we have the privilege of growing. We can learn new skills, engage in new kinds of work, devote ourselves to new causes, make new friends, if only we will exercise a little initiative and refuse to become fixed, rigid...before our time.

Let us then learn how to accept ourselves--accept the truth taht we are capable in some direction and limited in others, that genius is rare, that mediocrity is the portion of almost all of us, but that all of us can contribute from the storehouse of our skills to the enrichment of our common life...

Let us accept our emotional frailties,knowing that every person has some phobia lurking within his mind and that the normal person is willing to accept life with its limitations and its opportunities joyfully and courageously.

Not only must we accept ourselves but we must aslo change ourselves. Until the day of our death we can change, we can tap hidden resources in our make-up. We can dsiscipline ourselves to turn from morbid circle of useless self-pity or enslavement to childish frustrations and begin to give of our energy to other people, to a cause, a movement, a great social enterprise. In such service we can find freedom from ourselves and liberty from our fears." -- Joshua Liebman

on a mike nichols roll

I can't believe i'm still on my Mike Nichols roll (he did "Heartburn"). Watched another of his movies Saturday night: "Closer" starring Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen. As usual, the topics are the passions, attractions and deceptions of modern relationships. Although the movie did not show any nudity or any sex scene whatsoever, it was replete with lashing, biting and sometimes funny verbal intercourse. That the dialogues were heavy and the scenes flitted from one time period to another in no chronological order made for a jarring movie that sustained tension in the viewer. No climaxes there. Just prolonged agitation.

There's something about jumpy "catcher in the rye" kind of speech that gets me. I re-read the closer screnplay this morning. This is my favorite argument. There are lots that followed but that part contains too much obscene words for the good of my blog.

Anna's
ANNA: Why are you dressed?
LARRY: Because I think you might be about to leave me, and I didn't want to be wearing a dressing gown.
LARRY: I slept with someone in New York. A whore. I'm sorry.
ANNA: Why did you tell me?
LARRY: I couldn't lie to you.
ANNA: Why not?
LARRY: Because I love you.
ANNA: It's fine.
LARRY: Really? Why?
He's confused.
LARRY: Something's wrong. Tell me.
LARRY: Are you leaving me?
Anna nods.
LARRY: Because of this? Why?
ANNA: Dan.
LARRY: Cupid? He's our joke.
ANNA: I love him.
LARRY: You're seeing him now?
Anna nods.
LARRY: Since when?
ANNA: Since my opening last year.
Covering her mouth...
ANNA: I'm disgusting.
LARRY: You're phenomenal. You're so clever. Why did you marry me?
ANNA: I stopped seeing him. I wanted us to work.
LARRY: Why did you tell me you wanted children?
ANNA: Because I did.
LARRY: And now you want children with him?
ANNA: Yes... I don't know.
LARRY: But... we're happy. Aren't we.
She glares at him.
LARRY: You're going to go and live with him?
ANNA: You stay here if you want.
LARRY: Oh, look. I don't give a fuck about the spoils. You know, you did this to me the day we met. You let me hang myself for your amusement. Why didn't you just tell me the moment I walked through the door?
ANNA: I was scared.
LARRY: You're a coward, you spoiled bitch.
LARRY: Are you dressed 'cause you thought I might hit you?
LARRY: What do you think I am?
ANNA: I've been hit before.
LARRY: Not by me!
LARRY: Is he a good fuck?
ANNA: Don't do this.
LARRY: Just answer the question. Is he good?
ANNA: Yes.
LARRY: Better than me?
ANNA: Different.
LARRY: Better?
ANNA: Gentler.
LARRY: What does that mean?
ANNA: You know what it means.
LARRY: Tell me.
ANNA: No.
LARRY: I treat you like a whore.
ANNA: Sometimes.
LARRY: Why would that be?
ANNA: I'm sorry you're a...
LARRY: Don't say it. Don't you fucking say "You're too good for me." I am, but don't say it. You're making the mistake of your life. You're leaving me because you believe that you don't deserve happiness, but you do, Anna.
LARRY: Did you have a bath because you had sex with him? So you wouldn't smell of him. So you'd feel less guilty?
LARRY: How do you feel?
ANNA: Guilty.
LARRY: Did you ever love me?
ANNA: Yes.
He starts crying. She embraces him.

But this one contains the best one-liner in this movie, i think:

LARRY: You're a woman. She's a girl. She has the moronic beauty of youth, but she's sly.
ANNA: She seems open to me.
LARRY: Yeah, that's how she wants to seem. You forget you're dealing with a clinical observer of the human carnivore. (he's a doctor)
ANNA: Am I now?
LARRY: Oh, yes.
ANNA: Mmm. You seem more like the cat that got the cream. Stop licking yourself.

Next Mike Michols film to watch: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966), The Graduate (1967), Catch 22 (1970), Carnal Knowledge (1971) and maybe even Angels in America (2003).

four a.m. visitors

four a.m. visitors

I thought that staying home on a Friday night eating shawarma and watching two eighties flicks in a row would be quite relaxing and enjoyable. I was wrong on two accounts. First, although there were a lot of funny and witty lines in Breakfast club, absorbing teenage angst was draining. Second, although I really like Jack Nicholson, watching Heartburn depressed me. It made me think about how polygamous men really are and how I, for one, have come to accept that fact. However, I have not disregarded the fact that a marriage, or an exclusive relationship for that matter, beset by unfaithfulness takes away trust and respect shared by the couple and destroys the relationship. Things never go back to how they were before. I therefore reached a conclusion that someday I'm gonna have a shitty marriage, but what the hell, most people actually do.

My cousin Jenn said earlier this evening, over chocolate marjolaine, strawberry-chocolate mousse and coffee, that she finally has discovered how I grew up to be weird. I was telling her previously about my movie and book selections as a kid. Our house has no MTRCB. I ended up reading about lives of mentally ill people or watching avant-garde art films that scared and fascinated me as a kid. As time wore on I realize I gravitated toward films that depict the quirks of life that are only too real if you begin to observe people carefully. Stories about illicit love affairs and broken marriages, psychological retardation providing the twist, sadism and masochism translated into physical pain, bigotry, homosexuality, ugliness as beauty, provided the themes of the literature I devoured.

And yet, as I told Jenn, I am normal. I'm not weird. I still manage to have a very optimistic view of life. I do admit to these truths. They are written because they exist. In my mind, I am aware of their pervasiveness. I know that I am affected by these conditions, among others. Somehow I know that these paralyze me to some extent. But I live my life as normally as most people (who certainly will go through shitty marriages) do.

floating on a tidal wave

I'm a whirldwind of activities. I just can't stop. Doing doing doing. I'm addicted to exploring every kind of learning opportunity. Gahaman ako sa experience. And yet, it seems like kulang pa lahat. There's so little time to learn to do things. For example, I wanna learn more about the camera, about digital photo post-processing, about the technicalities and the art of photography. I wanna shooot shoot shoot and apply all I read about. Pero kulang ang bente cuatro oras.

Sometimes I shake myself up and remind myself not to spread my energies too thinly. Sometime, by just doing doing doing (work which take up 50% of my time, friendly encounters, photography, reading some good literature, household chores, family errands, writing, scouting for good music), I forget to take a deep breath and just think. It seems like I'm everywhere but nowhere at the same time. The funny thing is that this state called nowhere feels like home to me. That can be dangerous in a very dictatorial society but that can be quite all right if I assume a to-hell-with-all-your-shit mentality.

Am I ready to face the consequences of that thinking?