four a.m. visitors

four a.m. visitors

I thought that staying home on a Friday night eating shawarma and watching two eighties flicks in a row would be quite relaxing and enjoyable. I was wrong on two accounts. First, although there were a lot of funny and witty lines in Breakfast club, absorbing teenage angst was draining. Second, although I really like Jack Nicholson, watching Heartburn depressed me. It made me think about how polygamous men really are and how I, for one, have come to accept that fact. However, I have not disregarded the fact that a marriage, or an exclusive relationship for that matter, beset by unfaithfulness takes away trust and respect shared by the couple and destroys the relationship. Things never go back to how they were before. I therefore reached a conclusion that someday I'm gonna have a shitty marriage, but what the hell, most people actually do.

My cousin Jenn said earlier this evening, over chocolate marjolaine, strawberry-chocolate mousse and coffee, that she finally has discovered how I grew up to be weird. I was telling her previously about my movie and book selections as a kid. Our house has no MTRCB. I ended up reading about lives of mentally ill people or watching avant-garde art films that scared and fascinated me as a kid. As time wore on I realize I gravitated toward films that depict the quirks of life that are only too real if you begin to observe people carefully. Stories about illicit love affairs and broken marriages, psychological retardation providing the twist, sadism and masochism translated into physical pain, bigotry, homosexuality, ugliness as beauty, provided the themes of the literature I devoured.

And yet, as I told Jenn, I am normal. I'm not weird. I still manage to have a very optimistic view of life. I do admit to these truths. They are written because they exist. In my mind, I am aware of their pervasiveness. I know that I am affected by these conditions, among others. Somehow I know that these paralyze me to some extent. But I live my life as normally as most people (who certainly will go through shitty marriages) do.