And just like that, the sun comes streaming down on us. I am directly washed over by the afternoon light when I am sitting at my office desk. Usually, I draw the blinds down but today, I was missing the warmth so I left them up. It was weird, though, that even if I was sunbathing for more than an hour, I still felt cold. Maybe it was the AC, I thought as I put my shawl on. But later when I checked, it was just set around 24 degrees Celcius. I am also not sick today.

Just like that, I am where I was exactly 4 years ago. I’m trying not to panic but today, I learned something which made me feel something which subsequently made me feel really angry at myself for allowing myself to feel that something. I thought I had immunity over the disease. But this, although showing similar symptoms, is another strain altogether. For one, although the discomfort is more bearable, I have a feeling it’s gonna be a protracted battle. I hope they don’t tell me it will be a condition I would have to live with for the rest of my life. I’d rather be terminally ill. Cut me with death’s scythe. Make it swift.

Of course I’m being overly dramatic. It’s not always bad. In fact, it’s occasionally good but mostly potentially better. And that’s the thing. Hope is more powerful than fear. Flickering lights are more dizzying than the constant dark.