mental exercises of the sleepless kind: normalcy

more than a week after the great flood, things are receding into their proper places. after one full tiring week of volunteer relief work, i am again in front of the laptop trying to do some paperwork due this week. in the background i hear my flatmate taking a shower, getting ready for a usual working day. my neighbor is cooking breakfast. normal?

what is normal? normal is a regular job, picket fence, rosy perfect skin, iced tea, pretty dresses and a sunny day. it is three kids, maybe four, a doting husband, a two-storey house in a middle-class subdivision. it's an xuv, a tv room, a musical instrument, a hamper half-full of dirty laundry, a dog, a lawn and a backyard. okay, so that's late 30's normal. in your 20's, normal is a clean space, gainful employment, nights out with friends at posh restaurants, movies, out-of-town triple or quadruple dating, photos at facebook showing how happy you are with your significant other--cheek to cheek, all smiles...normal.

when i was younger, i thought i was normal and i didn't like it. i wished i were more un-normal. i think i wished on the right star. now i wonder if there were a star to unmake previous wishes. i think i finally need nice, predictable, steady and quiet. i promise, i won't get restless...you think?

nah, i take it back. who am i kidding? it won't work. not when right this very moment you know there is a ten-wheeler relief truck bound for tuguegarao. not when you know thousands of families by the pasig river can't rebuild their ravaged houses and are in danger of being relocated to sub-standard resettlement sites against their will. not when there is still no promising candidate for the presidential elections. and then you're back on the streets choosing that over a simple nine-to-five and nice skin.

no amount of pining for normal will un-un-normalize things.