AAAAAAAARGH



This photo has been invited to partcipate in a Flickr photo contest called "Charity in Focus". The winners of this photo contest and honorable mentions will be exhibited at Icosahedron Gallerie in New York City on July 20 to 22. I should be delighted. However, stupid me browsed through the comment on my Flickr page three weeks ago, procrastinated reading more intently and replying, and went on doing other things. It is only a few nights ago that I was able to digest the significance of this invitation. Alas, the contest is closed. There were 300 plus enties. And they were to diplay some 80. My photo had a frickin’ chance to be hung on a New York wall! The sorry situation in Payatas had another frickin' chance to be made known to many. But I blew it.

I was depressed for a bit until Milan called. I ranted to him what happened and he said, he had a hunch why I did not reply to the invitation immediately. He adamantly stated that it's because I am not sure of my abilities and subconsciously couldn't believe and accept that I am capable and deserve to be noted (internationally) for my work. I gave a thought to that and shook my head, no, I was just so damn… scatterbrained to focus on something I am doing at any particular moment, that's all. Next time I need to pay more attention.

But then, Milan's words kept hanging above my head. I realize he may be right to some extent. See Milan, Lai and I are at the cusp of being catapulted into, possibly, a very lucrative business. It will involve me taking photos. Whereas both of them are very giddy about it, I'm the one who displays hesitation most of the time. Not that I don't believe it will succeed. I do. It’s a very nifty idea actually, and things are being done about it. People have been spoken to. MOAs were signed. In a month, this idea will come become a reality. However, I try not to be too excited about it, I think, to the dismay of my comrades (in style? Haha).

I find that, as in my other relationships, I have paced myself with my involvement with photography. I've been treading lightly lest I trip. I've been trudging along enjoying the tranquil mood lest I crash and burn. This is my way of doing things. Sometimes though, situations call for another approach. Lai tells me, jump the gun, bite the bullet. At their best times, most successful people did not know what they were doing half the time (Harry Potter too—he said so himself in Order of the Phoenix). Almost always, if you're lucky, the universe conspires to hand you opportunities on a golden platter. If you're not, there will always be people to help.

So from now on, I will try a different approach. The fast life may not suit me always but I guess this new project entails an active, unreserved, forward-looking and tenacious madness towards greatness. I will not let my creativity be stilfled by my insecurities, reservations and self-imposed naivete. I will not fear success.