RCRD LBL Track

Dead Stars (1925)
it's amazing how time can alter one's treatment of a text. i read this short story 10 years ago for my freshman lit class. i had already completely forgotten about it. today, out of nowhere, two words popped into my head: dead stars. i googled them and found the future in the past.

The Telling | Mookie Katigbak

When I tell you that you have an effect
Upon me you may not intend, and you
Ask me to render, not tell,
I think of cities I have been to
And have yet to see, where at some ungodly
Hour, a train slips through unseen tracks,
All grooved wheels and steam pipes
Announcing neither arrival nor departure
But passage, sure and swift as rain after
A dry spell. In the town square, vendors sell
Candied nuts by the glare of gas lights
And the derelict hit-or-miss of prayers
Everyone forgets to follow through.
When a train passes, the makeshift stalls
Allow the ground its procedural
Shiver, then it’s business as usual.
What’s earth-stopping is the howl
Of a train expressly on its way
To not here. It moans a phantom hunger
All the more terrible because unseen
—Hear it?—This is the sound of all
That rifles through us and does not stay.
Everything is in the details; wail of the train
Through tracks unseen, destination
unknown.
When I show you how you and I
Have more hunger than we know
What to do with, I am telling you
Goodbye before you know it.

a successful chef and restaurateur with an uber-pretty why-can't-i-have-something-like-that country house and garden, devoted mother, caring friend...smokes pot and a bit of a slut. but really, she's just trying to be true to herself. jane adler FTW!
*photos from rottentomatoes.com*

wise words
*photo not mine, forgot where i got this from*

brick walls, wooden floor, natural light, textured fabrics, comfy couch and lots of color
time to hustle!
*photo by wai lin tse*

No. I'm not writing again... at least not yet. But I've been reading a lot, seeing a lot, watching a lot, listening a lot, talking to people... well, not so much but I'm starting to. And I need this space to anthologize inspirational hits. I need a record because I easily forget random things. They just get amalgamated into this mush inside my brain, a wellspring of my day-to-day actions and decisions. That's why sometimes I make lists with dates and silly details of seemingly unimportant events. Somehow, I know that in the future, I will need to know where I would have come from. But see, you can't make lists for photos and music and stories, can you? I don't like writing https in my notebook. So this is where I'll store them from now on--at least until I decide to do some writing again.

...because in the hope of expressing my subjectivity, i had actually objectified myself and that ain't good

...because i'm choosing to share my mania only with people who really matter, and, instead of writing, i wanna do it through ways that are more practical and concrete

...because i've got to live my life not think about it

thank you for keeping up with me through my five-year blog. here's to you seeing me and me seeing you.

mental exercises of the sleepless kind: meditations on photography and portraiture

i have been playing with the camera for about three years now. photography occupies my waking hours, my dream-state and even my subconscious. somehow, there is something so attractive in capturing meaning in 1/125th of a second wherein other people or other elements tell a story and you just have to be there, observe, stand back and act at the right moment. no grappling for words, no worries of misinterpretation. just a decision to click or not to click.

this is not to say that photography is the easier tool of communication. no, practitioners in the field know very well that a good photograph not only requires voluntary action of carpal muscles to be good. it asks from the photographer skill, technique, adeptness, astuteness and most of all, decisiveness. making decisions seems easy. after all, when the opportunity presents itself, it only takes less than a second to do your job. however, it is precisely that fleetingness of moment coupled with the possibility of affecting the natural flow of human movement and reaction by that single obtrusive lens that makes someone hesitate and lose the photo. there will always be a photo that got away.

french photographer Henri-Cartier Bresson once said, "photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth which can make them come back again." therein lies the beauty of the perfect shot. it is perfect precisely because the moment can never be repeated and you are overwhelmed by an extreme gladness that you took the risk and squeezed the trigger.

in many ways, i think photography is like hunting and hunting especially in the olden times, is necessary for the preservation of life. photography then is a tool for the preservation of the human race. it aims to document, to make immortal the mundane, the extraordinary, every single thing that shows how it is to be truly human and alive.

this is very apparent in taking street photos. the slight movement of the hand, a certain tilting of the body, a movement of the hair, a person's position vis-a-vis a billboard sign, mirror images that last a few seconds only to be erased by the surge of human interaction--everything has meaning in time and space.

i often try to shoot incognito. there is something so appealing in being able to capture people in their most uninhibited and natural states. there's something truthful and pure about it. however, portraits have interested me lately. i have done only one portrait that i like, and as i look at it again and again, the more i realize the importance of that particular shot. photographing people who know you are photographing them, and doing it well gives another kind of gratification. in those few minutes that you fumble and hesitate and decide to take the shot, you become the recipient of the subject's 'subjectivity.' in those instances, he slowly becomes whom he wants you to know. he introduces himself, he shows you what he is and what he is not and you become the humble recipient of his personhood--at least the part he is willing to reveal. and you also give. you give yourself in your quiet goadings, your affirmations, and the moment you choose to take the shot. as a photographer, you too are visible and exposed. it's an intimate exchange, like friendship, like love.

many people hate to have their pictures taken; they say it's like stealing their souls. i too squirm in front of the lens. maybe herein lies the beauty of taking portraits. you no longer feel like an outsider looking in. you do not feel like a thief. you and the subject are both consensual entities in the creative process of capturing the human soul. and i say, as with natural unposed photos, there is also truth and purity in that.

shoe mania

i bought myself a pair of these, coz i needed new shoes and they were on sale...

i chose these because the brand is pretty durable and a many swear by their dependability. two hours, three hours, they're okay. but i can't stand their stuffiness for long periods of time. people say i should be patient, that i'm still breaking them in, that i'll get used to them somehow.

but i miss my old shoes. they fit me perfectly and i don't get annoying blisters. i searched everywhere just to be able to buy the same pair but the company says they're phased out, for real, final answer.

maybe i should just buy another pair of shoes that look very much like my old ones. something like this:

or should i just try my luck with another kind which looks plain, simple, and uncomplicated like this one:

but then again, just the other week, i came across these espadrilles that look fun and crazy in a very relaxed sort of way. and i must say, they got me all excited. maybe i should just get myself one pair of these instead. i'll even be contributing to charity with each pair bought.

i'm thinking, i'm thinking, i'm thinking...oh boy, this is haaaaard.

romanced by memories of the future

why do these things keep popping up on my internet face these days? out-of-the-blue, milan forwarded me an article by my dear college lit teacher ms. rica bolipata-santos. as usual, it's a good read. i'm feeling the powers that be is concocting another laugh-your-guts-out-till-you-pass-out-and-die comedic act. read the artik here. in other news...

itaga mo sa touchstone, tutugtugin kita! yebbah!

malungkot pero mukhang ito ang uuwian ko sa pasko. mausisa nga.

tripped upon somewhere in cyberspace:

My mother told me that all men are a little crazy. "What you need," she said, "is a man whose mania is generous and calm and large enough to include you."

good news monday

a few months ago, my flatmates and i were talking about weddings and i remember blurting out that if i were to get married, i'd like to be registered at R.O.X. or at Victorinox so i'd get all the goodies i had been so kilig about for the longest time. besides, why do newlyweds have to have only kitchen utensils and home wares? who needs five rice cookers and a lot of starter sets right? i'd rather have one of those only and a closetful of windbreakers, footwear and a mean set of heavy duty knives.

well just this evening, my flatmate marielle came home and i told her a bit about the de guia family exhibit that i went to at LRI (read: luzon rattan industries) building, the couches, daybeds, side chairs, tables, trinkets i was crushing over. she shared the interiors of a little cute place at maginghawa called "van gogh is bipolar" that she and lex visited earlier. and then i tipped her on this very cozy korean cafe along taft that my brother lloyd treated me at. and so went our exhanges of gush-able places. marielle was about to go into her cocoon when she stopped in the middle of the stairway and told me, as an afterthought, the best news i've had for a long time: R.O.X. already has a bridal registry!!! yehey. nevermind that that piece of information is not relevant to me now. Haha. it's definitely something to look forward to when and if i do get hitched!

aliiiiiw!!!



i'm not really a cartoon person. when i was younger, i watched g.i.joe, rainbow brite, arthur and some other kiddie shows but i was never a cartoon fanatic. as an adult i still enjoy disney and pixar movies (i looove finding nemo) and appreciate the simpsons and hey arnold but i don't download and collect full seasons of them. the other night, i was listlessly staring at the telly while lani was watching her staple cartoon network when i realized what was transpiring before my very eyes. the powerpuff girls were doing a beatles episode! i've never laughed out loud watching a cartoon in ages. lani must've thought i'd gone bonkers. watch the video above and then check out another upload of it with a very comprehensive annotation of references. man, that really made my day!